Right Side Up

A priest once mentioned in his homily that God doesn’t turn our world upside down but right side up. This makes perfect sense because God does make all things right. Today our Church celebrates the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul the Apostle, one of the most recognized conversion stories in Christianity. Paul, the one responsible for the death of the first Christian martyr, St. Stephen, was on his way to capture more Christians and imprison them but Jesus had other plans. Paul was blinded by a great light, falls to the ground and hears Jesus asking him, “Why are you persecuting me?” Three days later he is a firm believer, is baptized and from that moment on he never looked back. God certainly turned his world right side up.

All Christians have a conversion story. Most of them are not as dramatic as Paul’s but that is ok. We are each on our own journey. But one thing holds true for all of us, we have to respond when God acts in our lives. Paul could have gotten up and continued to do what he set out to do. God’s action could have made him more determined to do the opposite of what God called him to do. He could have responded in the beginning and when things got hard return to his old way of life. I have no idea why God reached down from on high and drew me out of my darkness on the day that he did but I will be forever grateful. But unlike Paul, I have struggled. There were times that I asked God why he would do that to me. There were times that I begged for things to be the way they were before. I may have been numb with fear and living in darkness but I was used to it, and it was familiar to me. It has been really hard to live in the light of Christ; to be vulnerable and to be hurt by people that I trusted. But slowly I have adjusted and will never go back to that dark place. I think it is important to share our conversion stories with others because they offer hope. And when sharing our stories we need to be honest about how much of a struggle it can be so that when others have doubts and fears they will know that they are not alone.

Our conversion isn’t a onetime deal and then we’re on the road of righteousness. Our conversion is a lifelong commitment. We live in a broken world and we are all sinners so we must decide every day how we are going to live out our lives. Paul faced many trials, persecutions and imprisonment. Scripture does not tell us how he died but it is believed that he was martyred. We, too, must be willing to suffer for Christ, be zealous in our mission to spread the gospel and be willing to lay down our life for our Lord and Savior. In today’s gospel Jesus reassures the Apostles and us when he says, “These signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will drive out demons, they will speak new languages. They will pick up serpents with their hands, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not harm them. They will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” (Mark 16:17-18)

Approaching the Throne of Grace

“No creature is concealed from him, but everything is naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must render an account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help.” (Hebrews 4:13-16)

The Lord gives us so many gifts and the more we open our eyes and our heart to these gifts the easier it is to walk in His light. One of the most amazing gifts is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It allows us to “approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help.” The more we receive this sacrament the more grace is bestowed on us that will help us the next time we face temptation. We will be able to stand against the pressure to sin because “everyone is doing it.” I’ve been watching the interview of Lance Armstrong and one of the things he mentioned was the culture that he was a part of. Doping was so common that it was another thing you did before competing; you made sure there was air in your tires, water in your bottle and your body was at its optimum because of the epo or blood or testosterone that you were taking. Those men who refused to participate were countercultural and were up against some powerful forces. In the interview you also saw how one lie leads to another and then another. You become trapped in your lies and your natural reaction is to fight, to attack those that question your actions. When you are that deep in darkness and sin no one is safe, you will attack anyone and everyone. You destroy every relationship, every ounce of trust.

But with our Lord, redemption is always possible. There is no sin too great for the redemptive power of Christ’s blood. The first step, no matter how great or “little” our sin may be is to acknowledge the sin. Until we are willing to humble ourselves and admit the wrong we have done without trying to water it down or put some of the blame on others, we can’t begin to heal. In today’s gospel, Jesus tells the Pharisees, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Mark 2:17) We are all sinners. We are all in need of the divine Physician but it is up to us to humbly go before Him and acknowledge that we are sinners. Jesus came for the Pharisees, too, but they were blind to the fact that they were in need of Christ. They were too preoccupied looking down on others that they never took the time to look at themselves. They were never willing to look in their own heart before passing judgment on others. If we spent more time being honest with ourselves and look at the areas in our lives where we have sinned against God and our neighbor then we would let go of the stones we hold in our hands, just waiting to cast at others when they stumble. Our society loves to build others up and watch them fall, but how often are we there to help them up? 

All or Nothing

“Whoever possesses the Son has life; whoever does not possess the Son of God does not have life.” (1 John 5:12)

Being a Christian is all or nothing. You are faithful to God or you are not. Scriptures warns us about being lukewarm. “I know your works. I know that you are neither cold nor hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, ‘I am rich and affluent and have no need of anything,’ and yet do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked.” (Revelation 3:15-17)  Jesus would rather us make a firm decision against him than show nominal, half-hearted interest in being a Christian. God knows every intimate detail about each one of us and still loves us with an unfailing, crazy love. How do we respond to His love? Do we see this as an incredible treasure that we are willing to place above everything else in our lives? Are we satisfied with being mediocre in our faith?

When we are lukewarm we tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict. We are willing to give money to the church but only from our surplus. We don’t really want to be saved from our sin, just from the punishment of our sins. We go to church on Sunday but we don’t want to share our faith with our coworkers or friends because we don’t want to be rejected by others. We compare ourselves to others and remind ourselves that we aren’t nearly as bad as ____. We’re willing to give time to Christ but there is a limit, we don’t want Him to control our lives. We want to do what is necessary to be “good enough” without it requiring too much of us. We all struggle with holiness and can fall into these behaviors but there is a difference in one who is satisfied with this way of being and one who is in the process of being transformed by Christ.

To be a true disciple means that we take on a posture of obedience and surrender, and are perpetually moving toward Christ. Being a true disciple is a choice that I have to make every second of every day. It needs to always be in our hearts because the world is full of temptations and traps. Being a follower of Christ means that we are faithful at all times even when it requires great sacrifice. It must be central to everything we do and are. I am willing to follow the teachings of the Catholic Church because I am in love with Jesus Christ!

“Man has his own part to play in the divine work, and that is to arise from all things whatsoever that are not God-from all creatures, including himself. It is in this rising up that the soul’s depths are quickly stirred with longing for God. The more all inordinate desires are shaken off, the stronger and stronger grows the yearning for God, until it seems to pierce flesh and blood and bones and marrow, and enter into the soul’s very essence.”  ~ Fr. John Tauler, O.P.

Perfect in Love

“If we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us. We have come to know and believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” (1 John 4:12, 16, 18)

Each and every day I am more and more in awe of God’s love for me. And slowly I am learning to trust him, really trust him. When I began to heal from my abuse I had a few people tell me that if I had more faith then I would not allow my fears to overwhelm me. It isn’t that I lacked faith, it was more that I was afraid to let God love me. I needed to abide in his love so that He could abide in me and then allow his perfect love to cast out my fears. I had to experience his love so I began to look closely at all the ways that he was with me throughout the day. I began to write down the things that he did in my life that I believed displayed his love no matter how small they were. This process helped me to become conscious of his love and I began to heal. Not only did I become aware of how intimately God loves me each and every moment, I also began to see how he was with me through the abuse, how faithful He has always been.

The bible study that I am participating in is different from other bible studies because it calls us to use scripture as a way to encounter Christ through meditation and prayer. Each lesson focuses on a different virtue and this lesson has been on faithfulness. The lesson directs us to scripture from the Old Testament as well as the New Testament and each one speaks of God’s love for us. He will always remain faithful even when we choose to sin. The more I realize how much God loves me the more I want to surrender to his will and let go of my own.

In my bible study we had to choose one of the scripture passages from our lesson that we felt God was really speaking to us through. It seems odd that a passage from Lamentations speaks so well of God’s faithfulness. Lamentations is full of grief and was written at a time of crisis for the Israelites with the destruction of the temple, exile of their leaders and the fall of Jerusalem. Yet it is often in our darkest moments that we feel God’s love which is the source of all hope. The union of poignant grief and unquenchable hope reflects the constant tension between the weakness of man and the strength of God’s love. The passage that I chose reminds us that God’s love will never run dry and his favors will never be exhausted. It encourages us to always remain hopeful and to wait patiently in peace.

“The favors of the LORD are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent; they are renewed each morning, so great is his faithfulness. My portion is the LORD, says my soul; therefore will I hope in him. Good is the LORD to one who waits for him, to the soul that seeks him; it is good to hope in silence for the saving help of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke of his youth.” (Lamentations 3:22-27)

In Deed and Truth

“We know that we have passed from death to life because we love our brothers. The way we came to know love was that he laid down his life for us; so we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If someone who has worldly means sees a brother in need and refuses him compassion, how can the love of God remain in him? Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth.” (1 John 3:14, 16-18)

St. Basil the Great wrote, “The bread which you do not use is the bread of the hungry; the garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment of him who is naked; the shoes that you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot; the money that you keep locked away is the money of the poor; the acts of charity that you do not perform are so many injustices that you commit.” This isn’t meant to say that we can only have one set of clothing, what would we wear when we are washing them? But it does make me think about how much focus we put on things. How we think we need to have another new outfit or pair of shoes, the latest phone or a bigger TV. We think these things will make us happy, more popular or more powerful. My friend has so many clothes it is insane. She has two huge dressers and two walk-in closets full of clothes. She literally has a drawer stuffed with white shirts. Why does she need 20 long-sleeved white t-shirts and just as many short-sleeved ones? One of her closets has her “summer pants”. I counted them and she has 36 pairs of capris or other summer pants. She could wear a different outfit every day and not wear the same thing twice for at least a year. She is a very loving person but for some reason having lots of clothes brings her happiness. Whenever I am at her house I think about how many people would benefit if she gave away only half of them. I think about how much money would be saved and could be used to help those in need. I am not being judgmental, I love getting new things and while clothes are not something I buy in excess, we all have things that we use to make us feel “loved”.

And while giving things to those in need is important, there are thousands of people here in Dallas who go to bed hungry every night and are in need of clothes and shelter, there are even more people in need of love. There are so many who are lonely, scared, grieving, abused, sick or dying. They are in need of our attention. They need a warm touch or hug, they need someone to listen to their story, maybe they need someone to mentor them so they can succeed and be the first one in their family to graduate from high school or need a ride to Mass on Sundays. Let us lay down our lives for our brothers as Christ laid down his life for us. Let us gain our lives by acts of charity and share what we have with those in need so that we may share in the bounty of heaven. All that we have are gifts from God, they are not meant for us to keep but to be shared with our brothers.

Come and See

“Come, and you will see.” These words were spoken by Jesus to Andrew and the other disciple with him. He also speaks these words to us. He beckons us to come to him to see all that he has to offer us. No matter where we are in life, no matter what we have done in the past, God calls us to himself. If we are weary, he offers us rest. If we are grieving, he offers us comfort. If we have strayed and are in the depths of sin and darkness, he offers us forgiveness and light to lead us out of the darkness. If we are full of questions and doubt, he is the Truth. Even if we feel that we are at a good place in our lives right now, that we have our eyes on Christ and are walking in righteousness, he continues to call us to come and see. He knows how easy it is for us to get too comfortable in our lives but there is so much work that needs to be done and so much to still be discovered.

There are so many people in our world living in darkness, who feel hopeless and alone. God wants to show us those in need. We are his hands and feet in the world today and so we need to go out and spread the gospel. Not only does God want us to see those in need, but there is also so much goodness to see. Our God is majestic and he wants us to see and experience things beyond our wildest imagination. He has great plans for us and wants us to come and see what he has in store.

Today we celebrate the memorial of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. She was a wife and mother of five children.  Her husband became very ill, his doctors sent him to Italy for the warmer climate and it was there that he died. She was taken in by families of her late husband’s business partners and during this time was introduced to the Catholic faith. After returning to the United States she converted to Catholicism in 1805 at the age of 31. She established the nation’s first free Catholic school in Baltimore in 1808; in 1809 she established a religious community in Emmitsburg, Maryland dedicated to the care of the children of the poor. It was the first congregation of religious sisters to be found in the United States. She died at the age of 46 of tuberculosis and was declared a saint by Pope Paul VI in 1975. Look what God accomplished in those 15 years after her conversion! So, let us be open to God and answer his call to come and see.

Friendship

Today the Church celebrates the feasts of St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory Nazianzen. In celebrating their feasts on the same day, the Church praises a virtue which has always been held in high esteem, that of friendship. Basil and Gregory met and became great friends while studying in Athens. They shared the same desire of growing in truth, wisdom and knowledge. They both became priests and then bishops. They lived during a time of heresies and endured much suffering for the sake of the Truth. They lived a life of charity and St. Basil had a special love for the poor. Their lives of service are truly an example of the life we are called to live.

True friendship is a great treasure and to find someone who longs to love and serve the Lord just as you do is truly a gift. Many people come in and out of our lives. Often times they don’t share our same desire to grow in holiness. It isn’t that they are “bad”; they just don’t seem to have the same yearning in their heart to know Him. When I was visiting family over Christmas none of my siblings had a desire to go to daily Mass or read scripture daily. They have no idea when the last time was that they went to confession and they are fine with that. It makes me feel like an outsider and I longed to be back home, back in my routine of daily Mass, spending time on my reflections and going to Adoration. I am envious of couples who share a love for God, couples who pray together, read scripture together and can talk about their struggles and God’s incredible mercy. I long to have a spiritual connection with my husband; to be in awe of God and to talk about how we can grow in holiness together. To make our home a place where we welcome God into every aspect of our life, especially in raising our sons.  This is something that I long for, something that I pray for.  

I give thanks for the friendships that God has blessed me with especially those who share a love for our Lord. Some of these friendships are meant only for a season. Sometimes we make a strong bond with a friend and they may walk with us on our journey of faith for a while but then the Lord leads us down separate paths. This was so hard for me at first because I’d never known unconditional love and I wanted to cling to it. I’ve had people in my life that have shown me the love of Christ, a love I had never experienced before and I didn’t want to let them go. But I have learned that it is part of this journey of faith. Friends who share their love for God are like sunshine, they help each other to bloom and radiate their love of Christ, brightening the world around them.  

“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds; for he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.” (Sirach 6:14-17) 

The Power of Forgiveness

As I am writing my reflection tonight, I have started a new tradition, a new way to spend New Year’s Eve. Usually we spend it at home because we don’t like to be out on the roads with people drinking. At the monastery where I attend daily Mass they are having Adoration from 9 PM to midnight. What a beautiful way to close out 2012 and welcome in 2013, sitting in our Lord’s presence. It has given me a chance to reflect on all the blessings that God has poured out on me and to also recall how merciful our Lord has been to me. So many times I have fallen into the same sin over and over, yet, every time he was there to help me rise again when I went to him with a sorrowful heart. He has blessed me with a new confessor who has continued to draw me out of my fear and has helped me to love with a Christ-like heart.

One profound moment of grace happened last week when I was back home for Christmas. The day after Christmas I went to Mass with my dad. We were kneeling beside one another in prayer before the start of Mass and it hit me that it was pure grace that allowed this moment to happen. To all those at Mass that day I am sure we looked like any other father and daughter but it was so much more than that. It was a perfect picture of the power of forgiveness. I was kneeling beside someone who had abused me and taught me to live in fear, to hate myself and to not trust others. I was kneeling next to a man who had the courage to acknowledge what he had done and ask for forgiveness. God took this broken relationship and allowed it to heal. God freed me from my fear and for the first time ever, I was able to be near my dad without fear or anxiety. Instead I was filled with peace and was in awe of God’s grace. No words can describe that moment, no one can truly understand how beautiful that moment was for me and my dad and I am so grateful that I was able to experience it. I know God will use this to bring hope to others who have been through what I have been through, to help them see that they no longer have to live in fear and that all things are possible for our God whose love is all powerful.

“Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)