A Servant’s Heart

 "You called me ‘teacher’ and ‘master’ and rightly so, for indeed I am. If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another’s feet. I have given you a new model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do.”  (John 13:13-15)

Can you imagine all that must have been going on in the heart of Jesus and the disciples? Jesus, knowing that he would soon be enduring the suffering of his Passion, spends time with his disciples and passing on his teachings. And he doesn’t just tell them what they need to do, he shows them. He shows no partiality, he washes the feet of Judas the Iscariot knowing that he would betray him with a kiss. He washes the feet of Peter even when Peter is adamant that Jesus will not wash his feet. Jesus washes Peter’s feet knowing that he will soon deny him not once, but three times. He does this knowing that the disciples will abandon him during his time of need.

So many questions must have been running through the minds of the disciples. Jesus has been talking about leaving them, how he must suffer and die. During the Passover meal he is doing all these things that are foreign to them. First he washes their feet, then he tells them this is my body, this is my blood, do this in remembrance of me. What does all of this mean? After washing their feet he asks the disciples, “Do you realize what I have done for you?” Of course they could not comprehend what Jesus had done for them. There is always some mystery, a depth to what God is doing in our lives that we cannot understand. But if we take time to reflect on our day and see what God has done for us we may get a glimpse of his love for us. It is during these times of reflection that we understand what it means to have a servant’s heart and how we are to do for others what Christ has done for us. 

No Room Among You

“’If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ They answered him, ‘We are descendants of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How can you say ‘You will become free?’ Jesus answered them, ‘Amen, amen, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin. I know that you are descendents of Abraham. But you are trying to kill me because my word has no room among you.’”  (John 8:31-34, 37)

How often are we like the Jews in today’s gospel? We allow our pride and self-righteous attitude to blind us to the truth. We close ourselves off from God, allowing no room for His Word in our lives. Many years ago I had a friend who I really enjoyed being around. Another friend and mentor tried to warn me about this person and tried to make me see that nothing good could come out of this relationship because he knew this person much better than I did and had witnessed him wounding many others. But I wouldn’t listen. I knew that our friendship was different and that there was nothing wrong with it. I refused to allow room for the truth. My friend and mentor was trying to protect me out of love but I foolishly thought he was wrong and maybe even a little jealous. How foolish I was.

Jesus was crucified because of the hardness of their hearts. They didn’t want someone to tell them what to do; to point out the errors of their ways. They didn’t want to be reminded of their own sinfulness. They wanted to keep on condemning those around them. “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and am here; I did not come on my own but he sent me.” (John 8:42) The Jews preached that God was their Father but it was all lip service, their actions revealed what was in their hearts. In order to be disciples we have to be willing to put aside our own agenda and surrender to the will of God.

Because of sin, man has “lost its capacity to find and follow freely without effort, the light of truth. Instead, he has to walk haltingly, groping for light as in the dark, faced with a thousand and one possibilities of falling into error.” ~ Fr. M. M. Philipon, O.P.  It takes a conscious effort on our part to follow in the Lord’s steps and walk in his truth and there is no way we can do it on our own. We need to make room for God in our lives so that he can lead us to the Truth and truly set us free.  

His Mercy

“’Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women, so what do you say?’ They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’ Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ She replied, ‘No one, sir.’ Then Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.’”  (John 8:4-9)

The Law of Moses. In the Old Testament we often see God portrayed as vengeful, striking down those who sin against him. We see a focus on the Law and those self-righteous men who see themselves as better than others. But we know that it is not about just following the rules, we have to have a conversion in our hearts. In yesterday’s first reading we heard Jeremiah speak about the injustices done to him and he asks God, “Let me witness the vengeance you take on them.” (Jeremiah 11:20) How often do we feel the same? We want to witness our enemy having the tables turned and witness them being subjected to the same hurt that they inflicted on us or maybe even worse. We have that mentality of an eye for an eye. But this is no longer the way to deal with hurt. In today’s first reading we hear, “Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; see I am doing something new!” (Isaiah 43:18-19)

God is loving and merciful and he calls us to be the same. So often we point out the small faults of others, their splinter, while we refuse to look at our own faults, the beam in our own eye.  During his homily last night the priest gave us a beautiful image of the scribes and Pharisees in today’s gospel. They are like lepers who cover their sores with the silk of righteousness while they cast stones at others. We need to look at our own hearts and ask for God’s healing. We need to acknowledge our own sinfulness and ask for God’s mercy. And as we journey together, we need to help one another by showing the same mercy that God shows to us each and every day, to one another. In today’s gospel, Jesus allowed the adulterous woman “to rediscover her own self in the silent love with which he enveloped her, he delivered her from the judgment of her accusers, scattering them with the voice of their own conscience.”  ~Fr. Maurice Zundel

Habemus Papam!!

Today was a glorious day! Our next Vicar of Christ was revealed to the world. The emptiness that has been a part of me since Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation was filled with joy and hope at the announcement that we have a new pope. That emptiness was made more tangible at each Mass with the void during the Eucharist Prayer when the name of our Shepherd was to be mentioned. I can’t wait for Mass tomorrow morning and to hear, “Remember, Lord, your Church throughout the world, and bring Her to the fullness of charity with Francis our Pope…”

We have a Pope! There was so much excitement in the crowd when the white smoke began to billow out from the Sistine Chapel chimney and the bells in St. Peter’s Basilica began to ring. Flags from many countries were being waved and there were so many young people, seminarians and religious in the crowd. The crowd grew larger and larger as the people of Rome poured out of their homes, filling the streets and St. Peter’s square.

A time for new beginnings! With the election of Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina as our new pope, there are many firsts. He is our first non-European pope, our first Latin American pope, our first pope from Argentina, our first Jesuit pope and our first Pope Francis. So much of the secular world spoke about how the Catholic Church needs a pope that will revolutionize the church and bring Her into the 21^st century. But those of us who understand that the Truth does not change no matter how much the world changes knew that would not be the case; at least not according to their definition of a revolution. What the Church needs and what the Holy Spirit gave us was a man who is firmly grounded in the Truth. A man who lives out the gospel each and every day. A man who isn’t afraid to slay the demons of our world. Just as Christ did, Pope Francis isn’t afraid to name the demon what it truly is and then drive it out. The Church will always guard the sanctity of life from the moment of conception to the moment of natural death. It will always protect the sanctity of marriage between a woman and a man and the sacredness of the family. The Church needs a humble, holy man of God to lead us, and we have been given that today. A humble man who stopped to pray before the Blessed Sacrament before being presented to the world, and who prayed for Pope Emeritus Benedict and asked the people to pray for him as he begins this journey. Pope Francis is God’s gift to His church and to that we say, AMEN!

“I cannot do anything on my own; I judge as I hear, and my judgment is just because I do not seek my own will but the will of the one who sent me.” (John 5:30) 

Choosing to be Well

“Now there is in Jerusalem at the Sheep Gate a pool called in Hebrew Bethesda, with five porticoes. In these lay a large number of ill, blind, lame, and crippled. One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be well?’ The sick man answered him, ‘Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Rise, take up your mat, and walk.’ Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked.” (John 5:2-9) 

This is one of my favorite gospel stories. There are so many beautiful things about it and for me, personally, it had a profound impact on my life. On my faith journey I have come to know the Lord and I believe in his love and mercy but for a long time I struggled with believing that he loved me intimately and that he would have died on the cross even if I was the only one here on earth that needed to be redeemed. In 2009, I had been seeing a counselor for a couple of years, had been through Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) and had a Spiritual Director but there was something deep down that prevented me from believing that God loved, me. I have a friend who taught me to pray the gospels and I have had some beautiful moments where God revealed his Truth to me through this kind of prayer experience. So as I began to pray this gospel I was open to what God wanted to reveal to me. Whenever I heard this gospel before, I pictured the man as someone very old and crippled with arthritis. But as I meditated on it I began to see that I was the person at the portico who had been ill for thirty-eight years. I asked God what that meant and he took me back to something I experienced as a child. I was seven years old and heard these words screamed at me, “I hate you and wish you had never been born.” Those words had crippled me for thirty-eight years. That incident was the root of my lack of self-worth, my feelings of always being on the outside looking in, and my belief that I wasn’t lovable, even by God. And at that moment Jesus was asking me, “Do you want to be well?”

It is our choice. We all have wounds to be healed whether they are caused by others or self inflicted. Healing isn’t just a onetime thing. It will continue to occur throughout our lives. Each time we sin we wound our souls and God is constantly calling us back to him. Sometimes we nurse our wounds, we keeping playing over and over in our minds the hurt that was done to us but this only hurts ourselves and keeps us from living as we were created to live, in the Light of Christ. My healing wasn’t instantaneous like this man in the gospel but getting to the root of this wound did allow me to have a better understanding of why I struggled with those things and allowed me to be more open to God’s love. Today I am confident in God's love for me and I know he desires each of us to be whole so I continue to pray for the courage to lay it all before him so that he can continue the healing process. 

Accepting Our Suffering

As I have been praying the Stations of the Cross these past couple of weeks one of the prayers that really causes me to pause is the one for the second station, Jesus Accepts His Cross. I use “The Way of the Cross” composed by St. Alphonsus Liguori and the words are, “My most beloved Jesus, I embrace all the sufferings You have destined for me until death. I beg You, by all You suffered in carrying Your cross, to help me carry mine with Your perfect peace and resignation.”  

Is this something that I really want to pray for? When I hear about people dying in a fire after being badly burned I have prayed that I won’t have to endure such a terrible death. I have prayed for a peaceful death, that I would just die in my sleep.  It would make it easier on me and my loved ones knowing that I did not suffer. Working with my families at the hospital, this is the number one concern. If the child is old enough, they often ask if it is going to hurt when they die. They want to know how they are going to die. Are the tumors in their lungs going to keep growing until they can’t breathe anymore? Will they suffocate? And the parents and family members also ask if their child is going to suffer. They want us to do everything in our power to make sure they are not in pain. And while this is always our goal, it is not always possible to make their death pain-free and peaceful.

Over the years I have witnessed many, many children go through the dying process and have been privileged to be at the bedside of several of them as they pass from this life to eternal life. I have learned from these children how to endure suffering and to remain hopeful through the most difficult moments in life. They have shown me how to be united with Christ in his suffering, and while they may not understand why they have to go through this, they know that God is with them. Witnessing their unwavering trust in our Lord has given me the courage to begin to pray this prayer with sincerity. That I may embrace all the suffering that God has destined for me until death. A patient died on Tuesday who endured great suffering throughout the 10 years since his diagnosis of cancer and especially over these last 6 months. Those of us around him often wondered why he had to suffer so much but this young man embraced every moment of his life. He took his suffering in stride and knew with such conviction that he would soon be with his King.

“The Redeemer suffered in place of man and for man. Every man has his own share in the Redemption. Each one is also called to share in that suffering through which the Redemption was accomplished. He is called to share in that suffering through which all human suffering has also been redeemed. In bringing about the Redemption through suffering, Christ has also raised human suffering to the level of the Redemption. Thus each man, in his suffering, can also become a sharer in the redemptive suffering of Christ”.  Blessed John Paul II, from his Apostolic Letter, Salvifici Doloris