Another Chance

God is so merciful. He continually gives us the opportunity to be Christ to others even when we have failed. I have been struggling with something that happened at work. I was given the opportunity to be Christ to a hurting family and I was a coward instead. This young man had been dealing with cancer for 10 of his 18 years. He had a period where it was in remission and then recurred in his lungs. It did not respond to any of the treatments that we had to offer but it settled down and was dormant for a long time. But it was just a sleeping giant that roared awake about six months ago and spread like wildfire. The lesions in his lungs grew rapidly and lesions began to appear in his brain. As quickly as they could remove them, another one appeared. It was obvious that this was a losing battle. This young man could be difficult and was sometimes belligerent. He could also be sweet but you never knew what you might get when you walked in the room. I often expected the worse and was surprised when he was kind. His last visit to the hospital revealed yet another tumor in his brain and he was set up with hospice. He wanted to die at home, not in the hospital. I knew he wouldn’t be there long and instead of going to see him and his parents, offering them support, I stayed away. My pride kept me away; I didn’t want to be rejected. I told myself that his favorite doctor was there for them and that is who they really wanted at their side. This young man died yesterday and I never had the opportunity to be present to them again.

I have been doing this for a long time, how could this happen? Why does my fear and pride still get in the way? My heart hurts for failing this family and failing God. He gave me an opportunity to be Christ and I turned my back. In my prayers God has reminded me that this is hard. It’s never easy to step into such an intimate place with a family no matter how long I have been doing this. And it will continue to be hard and the only way I’ll get through this is with Him guiding me. 

There is another young man in the hospital dying with almost the same story. He is also fighting an awful sarcoma that he has had for 9 years that has spread to his lungs and now his brain. He is an amazing young man but his mother can be very difficult to deal with and I found myself wanting to avoid her instead of reaching out to this family so I have been praying for courage and wisdom to do His work. I’ve stepped out in faith trusting that God would place his words on my lips. Each time I’ve visited them this week it has been a blessing. We’ve talked, laughed, cried and sat in silence resting in His care. This young man has an amazing faith and knows that soon he will be with his King. I thank God for giving me another chance to do it right. I thank him for the gift of this work he has called me to do even though it is almost unbearable some days. It is a privilege to be a part of such an intimate experience where heaven and earth collide.