Finding Him

“It is he who gives to everyone life and breath and everything.” He ordered all things “so that people might seek God, even perhaps grope for him and find him, though indeed he is not far from any one of us. For ‘in him we live and move and have our being.’” (Acts 17:25, 27-28)

The words, “grope for him” bring to mind one that is in darkness grasping at anything. I have been that person. In the darkness I am full of fear and anxiety. I am desperate to find something, anything, to hold onto. I find something and cling to it. At first it appears to be good and it captures my heart but quickly I learn that it is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It brings me heartache and pain but this is better than the nothingness I had before, so I stay. He deceives me and leaves me abandoned in the darkness again. I begin to grope again. I cry out to Him to save me. He grasps my hand and pulls me from the deep. His light of love pierces the darkness and I see that he is near. I ask him, Lord, where were you? And he tells me, Child, I was always here with you. I will never leave you or forsake you. You know in your head my words to be true but you must also believe it in your heart. I know you are afraid of being hurt again, not sure of whom you can trust, but you can trust me. You are my precious daughter and I want you to experience my love to the fullest but it is up to you. I can’t make you trust me. Take my truth and make it your own. Block out the lies that try to drag you under. Draw your strength from me and stand firm against the tactics of the devil. You are right Lord, help me to trust in you completely. To let go of all the things that I try to find you in and instead to seek you where I know you will be found. Help me to look inward and find you in my heart and allow my heart to swell with your love. Help me to go forth and share your love with others especially those who are frightened and alone just as I was.

“I’ll be by your side whenever you fall, in the dead of night whenever you call. And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you, my hands are holding you. Because I love you, I want you to know, that I love you, I’ll never let you go.”  ~ Lyrics from By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North