Successful Work

Lord, give success to the work of our hands. 

How appropriate these words of Tuesday’s Responsorial Psalm were to me. I desperately want God to use my hands to successfully care for his children with cancer. How desperately I want to partake in their healing especially on days like Monday. But that night I just found myself angry and asking, “Why, why, why?” I wasn’t angry at God or any one in particular, I was just angry about the situations I faced that day. One minute I was walking into the room with great news only to find out that it appeared that my patient’s tumor was bigger. My whole mindset and the atmosphere of the room took on a whole new dimension. I had to remain calm and arrange for some tests to confirm my suspicions while inside I was crying out to God and I was fighting to hold back the tears. I had to help the dad to not panic and help his son who is wondering why his dad is suddenly so upset. I know there are many measures of success and that in any situation God can bring good from it but the measure that I want and that the family wants is that we can get rid of their child’s cancer completely and with minimal sequela. I know that God desires each of us to be whole and healed but in our broken world there are many times that it doesn’t happen. But God is always with us. He is there offering us His peace even in the midst of suffering and pain, shock and disbelief.

After a hard beginning to the week I got a reprieve today. It was the annual Children’s Cancer Fund Fashion Show. Our patients get to walk the runway in beautiful new clothes they got to choose and walk with celebrities in order to raise money for childhood cancer research.  My fellow co-workers and I get to see the fruits of our labor. About 50 patients participate in the fashion show. Some of the patients are as many as 15 years off therapy and some are still in the midst of the battle. It was truly a blessed day. Most of the celebrities were wonderful with the kids signing autographs, taking pictures with them and giving them undivided attention. I am thankful for the generosity of so many people who attended the show so that we can fund more research and someday eradicate cancer all together. God always provides that reprieve when things are so hard and all you can do is cry out, “why?” There may not be an answer to the question but there is always His presence.