Forgiveness

“Brothers and sisters: Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.” (Ephesians 4:32)

I am to forgive others as God has forgiven me. This seems impossible. God has been so merciful and has forgiven me for so many sins. And at times I struggle to forgive myself and accept His forgiveness. People say you have to love yourself before you can love others. Is it also true with forgiveness? Do I have to learn to forgive myself before I can forgive others? I have always found it easier to love others more so than myself and I think of myself as someone who is merciful and forgives others easily. Over the years as I have learned to love myself I have found that I have so much more to give to others. I can love others more completely and I am not afraid to receive their love. Hopefully the same will be true regarding forgiveness because I realized yesterday that I still struggle with it. I have trouble letting go of the hurts that have been inflicted on me. I thought I was doing pretty good letting go of a past hurt. I’ve purposefully avoided situations where I may run into this person so that God can heal these wounds but just the mention of his name by someone yesterday at RCIA caused my body to stiffen and my jaw to tighten up. I had to walk away for a moment. My reaction and recovery was mild compared to six months ago but it still surprised me that the pain was still there as well as bitterness in my heart. It is obvious that I have not forgiven him completely.

No matter what the world tells us about forgiveness, walk away and wash your hands of anyone who hurts you; it’s ok to hurt others if they have hurt you. An eye for an eye no longer applies when God is the center of our life. Turn the other cheek, forgive 7 x 70, these are God’s commands so we must empty ourselves of the bitterness, anger, hurt and sadness that we often feel when someone has done wrong to us. And allow the love of Christ to flow from us. Forgiveness is impossible without God’s grace. It takes humility and courage to forgive others and we receive this strength from God alone. He makes the impossible, possible.

“It flies in the face of all your pride, it moves away the mad inside, it’s always anger’s own worst enemy. Even when the jury and the judge say you got a right to hold a grudge it’s the whisper in your ear saying, ‘set it free.’ Show me how to love the unlovable, show me how to reach the unreachable, help me now to do the impossible, forgiveness.”  ~ Forgiveness by Matthew West

Priesthood Sunday

Today is Priesthood Sunday. It is an opportunity to give thanks to God for the gift of the priesthood.  “Only a validly ordained Catholic priest has the power (bestowed by Christ through the apostolic ministry of the Catholic Church) to turn bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, and to absolve sins.  Acting in the person of Christ as mediators between God and man, priests continue Christ’s work of redemption on earth.  The Catholic priesthood therefore is an extension of Christ’s perfect Priesthood; ‘Only Christ is the true priest, the others being only his ministers.’” (CCC 1545) 

It is important that we pray for our priests to receive extra grace from God to carry out the work they have been called to do. I thank God for all of our priests but especially those that have personally touched my life. I love this devotion that I came across a few years ago in Magnificat.

  

“To live in the midst of the world

with no desire for its pleasure…

To be a member of every family yet belonging to none…

To share all sufferings; to penetrate all secrets;

to heal all wounds…

To daily go from men to God to offer Him their petitions…

To return from God to men to offer them His hope…

To have a heart of fire for charity and

a heart of bronze for chastity…

To bless and be blest forever, O God,

what a life and it is yours,

O Priest of Jesus Christ!”

Father Henri Dominique Lacordaire, O.P.

Far More

“Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”  (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Anything is possible for God, he can do all things. He can do anything that we could possibly imagine and things far beyond our imagination. I think when people read this scripture they often think about the grand things that God can do, the big miracles he has done such as parting the Red Sea, feeding the 5,000 with two fish and five loaves of bread, or raising his friend Lazarus from the dead. But for me, the things that amaze me are the “little things” or at least what the world considers to be little or insignificant. I am overwhelmed and in awe that God loves me, he knows the depth of my heart, and still loves me. He is aware of every tear that I shed and they are precious to him. “My wanderings you have noted; are my tears not stored in your vial, recorded in your book?” (Psalm 56:9) He hears the unspoken prayer for wisdom and compassion that arises from my heart each time that I prepare to go into a room at the hospital and care for one of my patients. He hears my plea for courage to walk into the room of a family who has recently found out that the cancer has spread in their son’s brain and there are no other treatments to offer them. He gives me the strength to swallow my pride and ask for forgiveness for being short with my husband. He gives me the courage to lean into this relationship instead of pulling away and allowing the distance between us to grow which is so much easier to do.

The fact that God does all of these things for me and for each one of us is amazing to me. He never grows weary of our constant requests for our desires to be fulfilled with the things of this world. He never grows frustrated when we constantly try to do things our way and is always there when we realize that we can’t do this on our own and cry out to him. He is always there to wrap his loving arms around us when life is hard and we are so weary. God’s goodness is far beyond anything that we can comprehend. We need to believe this and surrender to him. We need to stop putting limits on God. It is our lack of faith that prevents us from seeing all of God’s splendor. We hear in Mark’s gospel that Jesus “was not able to perform any mighty deeds there, apart from curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them. He was amazed at their lack of faith.” (Mark 6:5-6)

Heavenly Father, I ask that you increase our faith! Help us to be open to your glory and in awe of your wonderful deeds. Open our eyes to the beauty around us and to see your majesty. Free our minds from our narrowness especially that we place on you. And we pray, as St. Paul did, that we may “have the strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that [we] may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Amen. (Ephesians 3:18-19) 

One in Christ

“So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the holy ones and members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the Apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone. Through him the whole structure is held together and grows into a temple sacred in the Lord; in him you also are being built together into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.”  (Ephesians 2:19-22)

In RCIA we are learning about the authority of the Church and how Christ is the capstone. We delved into scripture to see how upon Peter, the rock, Christ’s church was built. This isn’t just a theory or something that Catholics say is true, it is the Truth. We see in scripture that Jesus specifically tells Peter, “And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church.” (Matthew 16:18) And prior to his ascension, he tells them to, “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:19) The Catholic Church has continued to grow because it is through Christ that “the whole structure is held together and grows.” The Catholic Church is the only one that has stood the test of time. Every one of the over 33,000 Protestant denominations can trace their roots back to the Catholic Church. Every Christian was Catholic, even Martin Luther, who rejected the teaching of the Church and started his own church, before the Protestant Revolt.

Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever. The Truth does not change with the times, it doesn’t conform to what man thinks is best. It doesn’t change its definition of marriage or its values to accommodate the desires of man in all his brokenness. We are called to live as Christ lived and this is a struggle. There are so many forces out there trying to pull or push us from the Truth. And there are also the sinful tugs from our own heart that tempt us to quench these desires with things of this world. Christ knows how hard it is because he himself endured all these things and so he gives us the grace that is needed to withstand all of these things. In today’s gospel we are urged to be vigilant at all times. To “gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks.” (Luke 12:35-36) He is coming again, as he promised, and he hopes to find us ready. The gospel also tells us that for those who the master finds vigilant on his arrival, “he will gird himself, have them recline at table, and proceed to wait on them.” (12:37) Jesus Christ will serve those who he finds ready; he wants to wait on us, his good and faithful servants!

Nothing Goes Unnoticed

“Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins? Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of God. Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)

When life is overwhelming and I feel like no one would notice if I just disappeared, this gospel speaks the truth. Not only does God know everything about each one of us from the number of hairs on our head to the thoughts that race through our minds and the fear that reigns in our hearts. We mean something to Him! We are precious in his eyes.

“There is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the darkness will be heard in the light…” (Luke 12:2-3)

When I read and meditate on this gospel I think what it is saying is that the parts of ourselves that we try to hide from others, ourselves and God will be brought into the light and the real person that we are will be known to all. We make ourselves look good to the world but the inside is full of evil doings. Jesus denounced the Pharisees, “Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You cleanse the outside of cup and dish, but inside they are full of plunder and self-indulgence.” (Matthew 23:25) We do the same thing; we polish the outside, that which the world will see, but what is inside defiles us. We need to do everything possible to make things right with God, not the world. The things of this world are passing but the state of our souls will decide eternity. So we need to work on purifying those parts of ourselves that we keep hidden so that people will think we are good. I went to confession yesterday and confessed my prideful, selfish, unforgiving acts of sinfulness and felt renewed afterward, ready to take on the world with my armor of Christ. But a part of me wanted to tell the priest that I really am a good person, he just has to hear the dirt. I wanted him to see the “polished” part of me yet in truth he was seeing the better part, a soul whose sins had be absolved by the grace of God.

Other times I think that it is saying that God knows what is happening in the darkness. He knows of each of those times that we were abused or someone wronged us. He knows about the times that we have cried out in the darkness because of fear or pain and our cries reached to the heavens but all we felt was abandonment and silence. He will bring to light all of these things that happened and make everything right. He will show us that he was with us all along, that we were never alone and that during most of those dark moments he was carrying us through just as he carried the cross to Calvary to die for all the sins of mankind.

Lord, help me to be at peace and know that one day everything will be brought into the light and we will see things as you see them in all your glory. Amen. 

Comfort and Peace

  

“And then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)

 These past few days have been a struggle for my community, especially for our teens. One of the football players from our high school was at the lake this weekend. He and his friends were jumping from the cliffs and something happened when he went into the water because he came up and then quickly went back under and never resurfaced. They still have not found his body. He was popular and a great young man. Not that his life is any more important than the other teens but it does bring more attention to it especially in the media. The death of a young person is so difficult to understand but the fact that they haven’t found his body causes more turmoil. Some are saying that he is dead; leaving no room for the possibility that somehow beyond all reasoning he is alive. And some are grasping onto hope, praying for a miracle. Finding his body would at least make it more real and bring closure to his family and friends.

And then to add to this grief and sorrow, we found out last night that another teen from the high school has died, he committed suicide yesterday. There wasn’t much information about it last night but there was much talk about it on Facebook. My teenage son is hurting, he didn’t know either of these young men personally but he knew one of the siblings and it hits so close to home when it is in your own high school. Andrew knows how fragile life is because he has heard me talk about the tragic deaths of my two brothers when I was young and he has also heard about the deaths of many children over the years with me being a pediatric oncology nurse. For most of his friends this is their first exposure to death.

Dear Lord, I ask that you pour out your wisdom and compassion on the adults of my community so that we may be a source of strength, love and comfort for the families and the teens that have been affected by these tragedies. Let our hope in the promise of eternal life be visible for them and wrap these hurting families in your loving arms and fill their hearts with your peace. Amen.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, for the old order has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

His Desire

 “If you want me to rest, 

I desire it for love;

If to labor,

I will die working:

Sweet Love say

Where, how and when

What do you want from me?

Calvary or Tabor give me,

Desert for fruitful land;

As Job in suffering

Or John at Your breast;

Barren or fruited vine,

Whatever be Your will:

What do you want of me?” 

~ St. Teresa of Avila

Today is the Memorial of St. Teresa of Avila. In Magnificat, there was an excerpt from her poem, “In the Hands of God”. Above are just two verses of the excerpt but the poem is a reflection of the life she lived. Whatever the Lord wanted of her is what she wanted. If enduring great suffering as Job experienced is what the Lord asked of her, she accepted it readily. If the suffering was for the Lord it would not be in vain but redemptive not only for herself but for others as well. Just as Jesus was willing to suffer for our sins, as his disciples, we are also called to share in His suffering for the sake of our brothers and sisters. Jesus gave suffering redemptive value by selflessly accepting suffering in order to free us from sin. When we choose to accept suffering in a quiet and humble manner, our humility then opens our hearts to accept God’s grace. Through redemptive suffering we can bring healing to the world just as Christ’s suffering put an end to death.

As his disciples, God doesn’t just offer us suffering and Calvary but also the glory of Tabor. In these moments of grace the Lord reveals himself to us. Just as his apostles got a glimpse of heaven during the Transfiguration, God gives us glimpses of the wonder and awe of things to come. Oh, to be John, the beloved disciple at the breast of Jesus, who rests his head on the beating heart of our Lord and Savior. But these aren’t just moments that we read about in scripture, these are graces that God bestows on us as well. We are his beloved sons and daughters and he wants to comfort us, provide us with a place to rest our head and to be renewed in the love of Christ. But no matter what life holds for us, we need to embrace each blessing and suffering and realize that it is what God desires for us at that moment and that he will provide us with the grace to live as faithful stewards, just as St. Teresa of Avila lived her life. 

What Must I Do?

“As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, ‘Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’” (Mark 10:17)

Today’s gospel is about the rich man who asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. He tells Jesus that he has observed the commandments from his youth. Jesus tells him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” (Mark 10:21) Just like the rich man, we all have something that we are enslaved to that keeps us from following Jesus completely. Jesus asked the rich man why he called him good. “No one is good but God alone.”  The rich man knew there was more to obtaining eternal life than following the commandments. This is why he approached Jesus. He knew that Jesus was the Messiah and that only through Him is eternal life possible. We must have this same belief. We must believe that it is only God who gives us the strength to be holy. When we try to do it on our own our work is in vain. We must humbly present ourselves to God, just as the rich man did, and ask him, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” God will reveal to us what needs to be done. Jesus will look upon us with love, just as he did the rich man, and show us the way.

I was in Portland, Oregon this past week for a conference on End of Life Care. The last day I was there a woman got on the elevator wearing a t-shirt that read, “Friendly Atheist”.  She was part of a large group, Freedom from Religion Foundation, which was also attending a conference at the same hotel. They had almost 900 people attending the conference and almost everyone on the elevator was part of that group. One of the things that came to my mind was that I was glad that I wasn’t wearing my crucifix. What a coward I was. Was I afraid that someone would say something rude? Was I afraid they would question me about my faith? Whatever the reason, I failed Christ. I denied Him. Just like Peter did. When my mom died three years ago, at one point I was angry at God, I was angry that she was in excruciating pain and that we could not alleviate it. When I went to confession, the priest told me that God had put my feet to the fire and that I had failed. This wasn’t true. My anger was a normal reaction that almost anyone would have if their loved was suffering. I hadn’t failed that day but I certainly did on Saturday.  I like to think that I am a strong Catholic who is willing to die for my faith, but in that moment all I was is a coward.

“Therefore, if you wish God to give you a new heart, you must first of all amend your deeds, and then lament your faults and accuse yourself of your sins. Do not extenuate your defects, but judge yourself justly; let not your self-love blind you, but when conscience accuses you of wrong, do not forget it, but keep it before your eyes and manifest it to Jesus Christ, your Savior and Physician.”  ~ St. John of Avila

Proclaiming His Name

“The task Christ gave us is to proclaim his name.” ~ Monsignor Luigi Giussani 

Sometimes we think we are meant to make everything better; that if we follow in Christ’s footsteps we will say the right thing to comfort those who are hurting. When we seek forgiveness and forgive others that our relationship with them will be mended or if we pray hard enough our loved ones will be healed.

We are called to proclaim Christ’s name and live a Christian life so that others are drawn to Him, so that they may live in the light of Christ. Our world is broken and no matter how loving we are, the perfect words to say to those who are hurting don’t always come. Sometimes our attempts at reconciliation are rejected and no matter how hard we pray, our loved ones aren’t healed and sometimes they die. When Christ was on this earth he didn’t cure all the sick, bring sight to all the blind or bring all the lame to their feet. Christ came to reconcile us to his Father. And until he comes again and we see him face to face, seated at the right hand of God, the world will remain broken.

Proclaiming Christ to others helps them to share in the anticipated joy of all Christians. It is our hope in God’s promise that allows us to weather the storms of our life. When others see how Christ sustains us through all of our struggles and sorrow and that we remain faithful, they, too, will learn to trust Christ and put their hope in Him. I admire people that have a peace about them especially when life is hard. I have come to realize that this peace is from Christ. There is a priest where I attend daily Mass who exudes peace and I want this same peace. I won’t find it by having this priest in my life. I will have this peace from Christ alone. The reason I can experience this peace is because of the people in my life who proclaimed Christ to me. They helped me to enter into my own relationship with Him. I know that life will continue to be hard. I don’t understand all the suffering that I see at work caring for these kids that are battling cancer. But I don’t need to understand it. I just need to remain faithful and proclaim Christ to all those he places in my life.

“The peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:7-9)

He’ll Move Mountains

Below is a beautiful reflection in Magnificat that pulls together today’s reading and gospel. It is a great example of how the Church purposefully put together the Lectionary. You can see how the collection of readings was carefully chosen, often with common themes to help us learn more about salvation history and Jesus’ life on earth.

Job asks, “Should God seize me forcibly, who can say him nay? Who can say to him, ‘What are you doing?’” With the full force of his heart, Jesus says to one who has drawn close, “Follow me.” But that person “says him nay” with an excuse which seems reasonable…but, in reality, stands in the way. When Jesus calls us, “he removes the mountains” that block us from following him. ~ Magnificat

Even though Job has suffered greatly he speaks of God’s omniscience that governs the world. We, mere humans, cannot fathom the greatness of God. Our finite minds cannot probe the depths of God’s love or understand his purpose for things. Who are we to question what God is doing? But so often we do. Many times I have questioned him, asking him “why?” Sometimes he reveals the answer to me but many times he does not so I have to place my trust in him. And when he does answer me I am truly humbled. “If I appeal to him and he answered my call, I could not believe that he would hearken to my words.” (Job 9:16) Who am I that God would take notice of my cries and receive them with love? Who am I that God would take care to remain with me during my suffering even when I throw tantrums and complain “it isn’t fair!”

God doesn’t beckon us to “follow me” only once. It is a request that he makes each and every day especially during those moments in our lives when we are faced with temptations. Will we choose to follow him or choose to give into our desires? Each of the men in today’s gospel had a reasonable request before following Christ. One wanted to bury his father and the other wanted to tell his family goodbye. I think we can all come up with legitimate excuses for postponing our complete surrender to Christ; just one more thing and then I’ll be ready. But the time is now. God will move the obstacles, the mountains, that we feel we either can’t overcome or need to conquer on our own before being ready to follow him. We need only to ask.