Replenished Daily

“She answered, ‘As the LORD, your God, lives, I have nothing baked; there is only a handful of flour in my jar and a little oil in my jug. Just now I was collecting a couple of sticks, to go in and prepare something for myself and my son; when we have eaten it, we shall die.’ Elijah said to her, ‘Do not be afraid. Go and do as you propose. But first make me a little cake and bring it to me. Then you can prepare something for yourself and your son. For the LORD, the God of Israel, says, “The jar of the flour shall not go empty, nor the jug of oil run dry, until the day when the LORD sends rain upon the earth.”’ She left and did as Elijah had said. She was able to eat for a year, and Elijah and her son as well; the jar of flour did not go empty, nor the jug of oil run dry, as the LORD had foretold through Elijah.” (1 Kings 17:12-16)

Today’s reading about the widow and her jar of flour made me reflect on my own life especially in regards to my work. It has been very hard to know if I still have in me what is necessary to continue caring for children with cancer. We have had such terrible news lately. There has been kids relapsing after they have been cancer-free for years; cancer that is resistant to the chemotherapy and cancer spreading to places that it doesn’t normally spread, especially the brain. I thought going on vacation would help to rejuvenate my soul but I came back to find out that one of my patients had died, two more had relapsed and one whose cancer has now spread to his brain. I found myself at work yesterday wondering how I was going to be able to keep doing this, asking whether or not this is what God wants me to continue doing although I can’t imagine doing anything else.

But during Mass this morning I realized that I am not the one who can provide what I need; only God can do that. Of course, I need to cooperate with God and provide opportunities to receive His love and grace that will restore my soul. I need to spend time in prayer, read scripture and frequent the sacraments but it isn’t me who provides the grace but God alone. I need to have confidence that God will provide for me. Just as the flour and oil never ran out for the widow, the compassion, courage, strength, wisdom and love that I need to carry out the work that God has called me to do will never run dry. It may not be in abundance some days, I may be scraping the bottom for enough to get me through, but what I need will be there and when I return to work the next day, I know that I will be replenished with what I need for that day as well. “Give us this day our daily bread”. I need to trust that God will provide the bread that I need for each day. All I have is today so I shouldn’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow may never come.