Letting Go

“At sunset, all who had people sick with various diseases brought them to him. He laid his hands on each of them and cured them. At daybreak, Jesus left and went to a deserted place. The crowds went looking for him, and when they came to him, they tried to prevent him from leaving them. But he said to them, ‘To the other towns also I must proclaim the good news of the Kingdom of God, because for this purpose I have been sent.’” (Luke 4:40, 42-43)

How hard it must have been for the people of Capernaum to let go of Jesus. He preached in their synagogue and they were astonished by his teachings. They reached out to him in faith, bringing to him their loved ones who were sick, and he cured each one of them. Why did he have to go so soon? Why did he have to go at all? They wanted to keep him for themselves.

Sometimes God places people in our lives only for a season and then we have to let them go. But this is so hard, especially for someone who has been abused. It is so hard to trust others. But every once in a while, God will bring someone into our lives that we are able to trust. They help us to see the love of Christ. They walk with us and offer their love and support. But they are meant to be with us only for a short time. Once we are on our way towards Him, it is time for them to move on and bring the Good News to others that are in need of His healing and love.  Even though I am on the right path, I feel so alone and afraid. I need my friend. I can’t do this alone. I pray that I can have my friend for just a little longer; just until I am a little stronger. But God gently tells me “No.” God wants me to trust in Him. He is the reason my friend was in my life. To be led to Him. The peace and love I felt when my friend was near was from God himself. So I continue on my journey being led by my Lord and Savior. 

Stay Alert

“For you yourselves know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief at night. When people are saying, ‘Peace and security,’  then sudden disaster comes upon them, like labor pains upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you brothers and sisters, are not in darkness, for that day to overtake you like a thief. For all of you are children of the light and children of the day. Therefore, let us not sleep as the rest do, but let us stay alert and sober.” (1 Thessalonians 5:2-6)

Today’s reading speaks about the coming of the Lord as a thief at night. Stating that it will come upon them as sudden disaster, like a woman’s labor pains. But those who are not in darkness will not be overtaken by that day. I think those who are “children of the light” are like a woman who is prepared for her labor. She knows that it must come in order for the great miracle of her child’s birth to happen. But the woman can prepare herself. She can take classes on how to work through the pain and not be overwhelmed. She learns how to stay focused and in control. Of course there are medications to help alleviate the pain; I am in total support of that. But knowledge and preparation go a long way in helping her be prepared for her labor.

We must do the same in our everyday lives. We must stay alert and sober. We need to be vigilant in our faith. We need to receive the sacraments frequently so that we can remain strong against the temptations of this world. If we choose to live in darkness, living only for ourselves, thinking that later we will get our act together, we are being foolish. We have no idea when our last day on earth will be and when it comes, that’s it. Do I want to be like the virgins who were foolish and unprepared? The bridegroom came and those who were prepared went into the wedding feast with him and then the doors were locked. When the foolish virgins came back they knocked on the door and said, “Lord, Lord, open the door for us!” But Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.” (Matthew 25:11-12)

My Soul Thirsts for You

 “O God, you are my God, for you I long! For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts, like a land parched lifeless, and without water. So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory. For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship.” (Psalm 63:2-4)

I love today’s Responsorial Psalm. “My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord my God.” There are times that I physically ache for God. I yearn for His presence. I know I am nothing without him. It is in my complete surrender; my poverty, that I acknowledge my own sinfulness and have a contrite heart. It is in these moments that I discover who God is. In my brokenness there is a breach through which something new can take place. God can create in me a clean heart and renew in me a steadfast spirit. (Psalm 51:12)

I seek you in the sanctuary, through the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. I lose myself in the music that offers praise to you. We become one in communion, confessing that we have sinned through our own fault; in our thoughts, and in our words; in what we have done and what we have failed to do. We ask for Mary, all the angels and saints and for one another to pray for us. (Penitential rite) Through our prayers we give you glory. We worship you, we give you thanks, we praise you for your glory. (Gloria) We see your power through the Holy Spirit as the bread and wine become the Body and Blood of your Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ. We admit that we are unworthy to receive you but, just as the centurion; we know that you need only say the words and we shall be healed. 

The Power of Prayer

Today is the Feast of St. Monica. While I don’t know much about her, I do know that she was a woman of prayer. Her fervent prayer played a part in the conversion of her pagan husband and mother-in-law to Christianity as well as her son, Augustine. She was the model of a virtuous mother who nourished her faith through prayer and witnessed to it through her acts of charity.

Through prayer we communicate with God. He speaks to us if we take the time to quiet ourselves and listen. Throughout the gospels we hear of Jesus praying. Even the Son of God prayed! This is how he communicated with his Father. During the Sermon on the Mount he told the people that they must pray for those who persecute you. He taught them how to pray, giving them the Lord’s Prayer. Chapter 17 of John’s gospel is The Prayer of Jesus. It begins with Jesus raising his eyes to heaven and saying, “Father, the hour has come. Give glory to your son, so that your son may glorify you.” (John 17:1) The time has come for his Passion and he is praying to his Father so that he may glorify him. He speaks about praying for us, not just his disciples but “for those who will believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they may also be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.” (John 17:20-21) In prayer, Jesus is in communion with the Father. Jesus teaches his disciples and us how to converse with God so that we can be in communion with him as well. At the Last Supper and at every Mass it is through prayer that bread and wine become the Body and Blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ. And during the Agony in the Garden, he taught us the ultimate prayer, one of complete surrender. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42).

 In the Gospels, Jesus converses with God. In a good conversation, two people share part of their lives with each other. Likewise, Christ converses with us through his passion, death, and resurrection. By reading Scripture, we converse with him and grow in his life. In communal and private prayer we become one with Christ who is one with God. We fulfill, then, Jesus' own prayer to the Father about us, “that they may be one just as we are.” (Michael Patella)

He Refreshes My Soul

Work has been incredibly hard lately. It is one death after another. Last week there were two only a few hours apart. One relapse after another; new diagnosis after new diagnosis. Why? Why? Why? Isn’t it too much for a single mom to give birth to a healthy baby girl one day and hold her dead son in her arms the very next day?

Several months ago I was in this same place, questioning if I can continue to do this work and I reached out to a friend asking for his prayers. He told me to remain strong; that I can’t shed a tear because I need to be an example of faith and hope for these families. My first response was, “He doesn’t get it.” Stuffing my feelings down isn’t going to help anyone. I need to grieve. But as I reflected on his words, telling me to be a sign of faith for them, I began to understand what he meant. I need to remind them that this is only temporary and they will see their child again. My faith needs to shine forth for all those that I come in contact with and to trust in God’s amazing grace. I began to see these difficult times as opportunities to be faith-filled and a witness to my belief in eternal life. My friend helped me to see that I need to set aside my own grief when I am with the family and be strong for them. And when I am alone with the Lord I can shed my tears and allow Him to refresh my soul so that I can continue to do His work.

This particular patient was a teenage girl who lived a couple of weeks longer than we expected and it was a blessing for the family. During this time she told her parents that the thing she was most sad about was that she would never get to really know them. She wanted to hear about their childhood so each one of them spent hours sharing their life with her. Her father had a very rough childhood full of abuse but he shared all of this with her. When he was finished she thanked her dad for sharing his life with her. Her mom did the same thing, talking about her first boyfriend and the things she did with her sisters growing up. What an amazing gift this was for her parents, how many of us would think to do this when we were dying?

I will take this advice once again as I settle in for the night. I will shed my tears for the beautiful baby girl and her family we had to tell today that the scan showed her lungs to also be full of cancer and there is no treatment to offer them. Our job now is to keep her comfortable so the family can enjoy what time she has left on this earth making memories that will last a life time. I will shed my tears for the child who relapsed today, for the child who died yesterday and the child who was newly diagnosed on Wednesday. I will allow the Holy Spirit to refresh my soul so when I go back to work on Monday I will be a sign of faith and hope to my families that I have the privilege of caring for. 

Be Vigilant

“One thing that will always secure heaven for us: acts of charity and kindness with which we have filled our lives. We will never know how much good just a simple smile can do. We tell people how kind, forgiving and understanding God is – are we the living proof? Can they really see this kindness, this forgiveness, this understanding in us?” Mother Teresa

Today’s gospel is about being vigilant, always being prepared for the coming of Christ because we do don’t know the day or the hour that our Lord will come. As Christians we know what we are called to do but sometimes we want to be selfish. We are tired and don’t want to give of ourselves. I know there are times that I sleep in an extra hour instead of going to daily Mass; sometimes at work I walk quickly down the hallways, not making eye contact because I don’t want to notice that someone may need my attention; or at home I let the boys park themselves in front of the TV instead of trying to engage them in conversation or an activity we can do together. I need to put aside my selfish desires and embrace these opportunities that I am blessed with to be the hands and feet of Christ.

I want to be more like Christ not out of fear that my Master will come and “punish him severely and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.” (Matthew 24:51) But because that is what it means to be a Christian, to serve the Lord by serving others. We don’t need for the Lord to come and place us with the hypocrites. We know in our hearts the times that we are hypocrites. I don’t want to be an example for others to point at and say, “She claims to be a Christian but look at ______.” I can fill in the blank with the times I have gossiped, allowed my pride to keep me from seeking forgiveness or from offering forgiveness, turning my back on someone who needs a hug or an ear to listen, etc. I want to do what the Master asks of me not out of fear but out of love and gratitude for loving me even when I don’t deserve it. 

The Face of Christ

When I began my journey toward healing, God placed some very faithful and holy people in my path. They taught me how to pray and to open my heart to God. A couple of them asked what image came to mind when I thought of Jesus. At the time I didn’t have any one image in particular. A priest told me to look at images of Jesus and find one that touched my heart because it would make Him more real to me. There are so many images of Jesus but there wasn’t the connection I was hoping for when looking at them. Fr. told me to pray about it. A few days later I was in the library at Mt. Carmel Center and came across this picture of Christ. It was on a 3.5 x 4.5 card with words in Spanish on the back. I didn’t know what the words meant but I knew this was the image that I had prayed for. Jesus’ eyes penetrated my heart and love and peace poured forth from the picture. I asked Fr. Stephen if he would mind if I kept it. He said that he didn’t know where it came from and, yes, I could keep it. I knew it was a gift from God.

I was able to translate the words on the back and will share a few with you. It is titled, Mensaje de Jesús, Message of Jesus. Avoid the worries and anxieties and thoughts about what might happen next. Do not spoil my plans, wanting to impose your ideas. Let me be God and act freely. Rest in me… often tell me, ‘Jesus, I trust in you’… and you will see miracles.

I needed a beautiful image of Christ to connect more deeply with him and God answered my prayer. The words on the card were just another reassurance that it was from God because he knows how anxious my heart can get and is calling me to trust in him.