- Your Sins are Forgiven

“Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9:2) These are the words Jesus spoke to the paralytic in today’s gospel, and he was healed. Jesus is the Divine Healer. The gift that this man was given is also available to us in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. “Through the visible priest, the invisible Christ forgives our sins” (Francois Maurice). We are assured of this promise.

In the past, I had a hard time letting go of my sins. I would go to confession but not feel the sense of joy and peace that I do now. I didn’t forgive myself. I would hold onto my sins and use them to reinforce my feelings of worthlessness and feelings that I was a bad person who was unlovable.

I think most of us have a particular sin or two that we continue to commit over and over. I would be filled with shame when I repeatedly committed the same sin. I felt weak and hopeless. I came across this quote and prayer a few years ago in Magnificat that I read frequently.

“Admitting sin is one of the hardest things in the world to do. We are not so reluctant to confess the small sins or the sins that matter very little to us, but we struggle to present honestly to God the sins most deeply woven into the fabric of our lives and, in confessing them, to let them go. We call on the power of Christ’s cross to free us from these bonds that hold us. God, the father of mercies, you sent your Son to save sinners. Grant us wisdom and courage to know our sinfulness, and humility to beg your forgiveness, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.”

There have been a few priests in my life that have helped me to realize that going to confession is a blessing. It is an opportunity to be washed clean, to start with a clean slate on my journey to holiness. They have taught me the importance of a good confession; to look honestly and with humility at the depth of my heart. To present to God the places in my heart that I would prefer to keep in the dark but know that they can only be healed if I allow Christ’s light to shine on them.

“When we were lost and could not find the way to you, you loved us more than ever” (From Eucharistic Prayer for Reconciliation). God never abandons us. His heart breaks when we are lost. He is constantly reaching out to us, calling us back to him. But my sin bring on the darkness, the temptations of this world drown out God’s gentle whispers. When I cry out to him, his light penetrates the darkness of my sin. He commands the temptations to “Be Silent!” He draws me into his strong embrace and showers me with his love.

I am no longer afraid of confession; my fear has been replaced with God’s love and compassion. There is no disgust, no disappointment, no judgment, only forgiveness and peace.

Disciples of Christ

Today is the Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul. As Disciples of Christ, they endured many trials because of their trust in the Lord. Their trials did not cause them to give up or feel hopeless about their cause but increased their zeal for the Church and the salvation of all mankind.

“I, Paul, am already being poured out like a libation, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but to all who have longed for his appearance” (2 Timothy 4:6-8).

As disciples we are called to do as Peter and Paul did; proclaim the Good News to all those that God places in our lives. Sometimes it is easy to be strong in my faith. When I am with others who share my faith and values then I am confident. But sometimes I am hesitant to defend my faith because I feel that I don’t know enough about the Church’s teachings to make a strong argument. The early Christians endured so much persecution for their beliefs, yet remained strong and faithful; often times willing to give their lives for the glory of God. I think the challenges we face today are different than what the early Christians dealt with. Rather than being beaten, thrown in prison, or stoned for our beliefs I think we face a world that no longer has a desire for the Truth. Everyone wants to do their own thing. No one wants to offend someone else. You may not believe abortion is right but you don’t want to tell someone else that it is wrong.

I recently made a trip back to Albuquerque to see family. My sisters were talking about the recent letter, written by Archbishop Michael J. Sheehan, ”Pastoral Care of Couples Who are Cohabitating.”  The letter was read during Mass at most of the parishes. In his letter he boldly reminds us that cohabitating outside of a valid marriage in the Church is a grave sin and those in this situation are prohibited from receiving the Eucharist and going to confession. One of my sisters finds herself in this situation and has stopped receiving the sacraments but is getting a lot of mixed messages. Another sister is telling her that she can receive them and mentioned that their parish priest doesn’t believe this teaching and tells his parishioners that they can receive the sacraments. I found myself in the same situation 8 years ago and struggled with this teaching. There was a lot of tension in our marriage while my husband went through the annulment process for his first marriage. It took 18 months for the whole ordeal to be complete but it was a glorious day when our marriage was convalidated. I have a much greater appreciation for the sacraments! I have encouraged my sister to look into the Church’s teaching and talk to a priest or deacon about the process of getting her boyfriend’s marriage annulled so that they can be married in the Church. Often times, our families are the ones that we are called to spread the Good News to. My husband is not Catholic and will challenge the teachings of the church and at times state that we are hypocrites. I remind him that we are all sinners and that is why we are in need of a Savior. Learning more about my faith helps me to share with him the Truths about the Catholic faith, and his challenges cause me to be more in tune with my behaviors and to make sure that I am living out my faith not just speaking the words.

I love these words by St. Francis of Assisi, “Spread the gospel at all times; when  necessary, use words.”

We may profess our faith easily but if we do not live our faith then it is meaningless. “If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). We need to love as Christ loved. We need to feed the hungry, comfort those who mourn, forgive hurts and betrayals. We need to speak the Truth with love and compassion. St. Paul tells us, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be firm, steadfast, always devoted to the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58).

Trusting God

“Lord, save us! We are perishing!” He said to them, “Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?” Then he got up, rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was great calm. (Matthew 8:25-26)

So often similar words escape my lips, “Lord, save me! I am drowning.” I allow the stressors in my life to overwhelm me and my racing thoughts drown out God’s gentle whispers. My fear rises in me and I begin to fight, groping for anything to hang onto. I begin to cling to things of this world to try and calm my anxious heart, but they are only temporary fixes.

Only God can provide the peace that I long for, only he can calm the raging sea around me. I am learning to trust him, but at times I can’t seem to surrender to him completely. I want to know why he would love me even when I continue to sin against him; why would he continue to try and wrap me in his loving arms when I struggle against him? I think that I will “get my act together” first and then surrender to him. But God is revealing himself to me now, he is pouring out his grace upon me now. I can’t become the person he wants me to be if I don’t allow him to get close to me. 

Two women from the Prayer Team at my parish were praying with me. We were praying that I would find peace; that I could let go of a broken relationship and trust in God’s love for me. As they were praying over me, I kept hearing, “No! No!” and the image I had was of me as a child and God was trying to wrap his arms around me. I was the one saying “no” and pushing him away. I don’t want to be loved only to be betrayed again. After we were done praying, I described this imagery to the women and one of them had the same image and heard me crying “no.” Since that day, I have tried to replace that image with one of me falling backward into God’s arms and allowing him to catch me, one of total trust. I am trying to grasp that God’s love is not like our love which is limited and often with strings attached. His love is limitless, there are no strings attached. He loves me during the darkness of my sins and when I am praising Him. He loves me when I turn my back on Him and when I go running to Him.

God knows everything about me and he understands my fears. He loves me and wants my love for him to grow. He doesn't want me to live in fear any longer. He is continually revealing his love for me and wants me to know that I can trust him. 

I know why the Creator of the universe would love me, because I am his precious daughter! 

God is Merciful

In today's reading, God tells Abraham that he will spare the city of Sodom if there are only ten innocent people. "For the sake of those ten, I will not destroy it." (Genesis 18:32)

This reading today reminds me of the times that others have told me that God would have sent his Son to die on the Cross even if I was the only one here on earth. God loves me, and each one of us this much!

For so long I have struggled to believe this Truth. I thought if I am unlovable; if there is something about me that causes others to abuse me, abandon me, wish I had never been born, then why would God love me and be willing to send his Son to die for me? But I had it all wrong. No matter what others think of me or what things have been done to me, I am not damaged goods. For so long I have felt alone. I thought that no one can understand what I have been through or can understand why I struggle to believe that God loves me; that I am precious in His eyes. But these words from Psalm 73:23, "I was always in your presence, you were holding me by my right hand. You will guide me by your counsel and so you will lead me to glory," remind me that God has always been with me. He has always loved me and he knows every detail of what I have been through. He held my hand, and at times he carried me because I could no longer stand. He continues to guide me especially during the times that I seek to know that his love for me is real and that he will never forsake me.

I cling to you words, Lord. I remind myself that I was made in your image and your likeness (Genesis 1:26). I pray for the grace of an open heart to receive your love for me.

Heavenly Father,
I know that you love me and no matter what I do, your love for me will never change. I know this in my head, but I don't always know it in my heart. Help me to feel your love deep in my soul. The lies of my past continue to haunt me, allowing doubt and fear to consume me at times.
Give me the strength to be a warrior against the devil; to put on my armor of Truth and fight against these demons that refuse to let me go. They know how to trip me up and send me crashing into this sea of self-hatred, doubt and sin. "He reached down from on high and seized me; drew me out of the deep waters... he rescued me because he loves me" (Psalm 18:17, 20).

The Eucharist

"Holy Communion communicates grace to us according to our disposition. The more desire and hunger we arouse in ourselves for this holy Bread, the more fruit we receive from the sacrament. Jesus' love for us was such that after he had ascended into heaven he would find a means whereby he could still remain amongst us with a real, true, and substantial presence."     Father M. Raphael Simon


What a gift we have in the sacrament of Holy Communion. God's love for us is so great that he wanted us to have a tangible way to receive him each and every day either during Mass or spending time in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. This grace is always there but we have to desire it. We have to make the effort to attend daily Mass or to spend time in Adoration in order to receive this grace.

So often I am too busy to take a little more time to spend with our Lord. I am anxious about the things going on in my life, yet spending more time with our Lord and placing all these things at His feet is exactly what I need. I need to trust that all things can be made perfect through Him; a cross can become a sign of hope, a death can bring about forgiveness and healing. This gift of the Eucharist is available to us daily, we just have to be willing to receive it.

Psalm 25- Confident Prayer for Forgiveness and Guidance

“Make known to me your ways, LORD; teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior. For you I wait all the long day, because of your goodness, LORD” (25:4-5).

Lord, I love you and want to always walk in your Truth. The more I learn about you, the stronger my yearning to know you grows. I hunger for you Lord. Guide me, lead me on the path of righteousness; keep the desire in my heart to know you more and more each day. I want to be strong and confident in my faith so that I can “boast in hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:2).

To be Christian means to take up my cross and follow you, Lord. “If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps” (1 Peter 2:20-21).

Sometimes, Lord, it seems like it would be easier not to do your will. To turn my eyes away from those in need because I am tired; to say hurtful things because I have been hurt; to give into temptation instead of fighting against it. Forgive me for the times I have done these things instead of doing Your will. Give me the strength to always do what is good and pleasing to you.

“For the sake of your name, LORD, pardon my guilt though it is great” (25:11). 

In my sinfulness, Lord, help me to frequently receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation so that I can be washed clean of my sins. When I wait, it is easy to deceive myself by minimizing my sins. I fall into the sin of presumption, telling myself that I’ll enjoy this sin a few more times and then I’ll go to confession and start anew. I want to run to you Lord whenever I fall instead of crawling around in darkness.

“Let honesty and virtue preserve me” (25:21).

Psalm 40- Gratitude and Prayer

“I waited, waited for the LORD; who bent down and heard my cry,drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp, set my feet upon rock, steadied my steps, and put a new song in my mouth, a hymn to our God. Many shall look on in awe and they shall trust in the LORD.” (40:2-4)

The Lord bent down and heard my cry but I wasn’t waiting for him to come. I didn’t know I should be waiting for him. I was in the darkness of my sin, my pain and my fear. I was crying out, maybe a part of me knew he was out there somewhere. I didn’t know God. I didn’t know he was calling me to come to him.

But I am so thankful that he heard my cry. He put my feet upon rock, the rock of his Church, instead of me being in quicksand.

He put a new song in my mouth. I want to shout from the rooftops what God has done for me! I want to endlessly praise him! I want to be an example to others, to do the work God has planned for me. I have a purpose in life. I am called to spread the Good News. This world isn’t about just waiting until we get to heaven. This world is not just a place of suffering that we have to endure. Heaven is here on earth!

“How numerous, O LORD, my God, you have made your wondrous deeds…too many to recount.” (40:6)

God created this world and all the beauty within it. We have to open our eyes. We have to help others see the beauty. Even in our suffering we can see God in the touch of another’s hand, their strong hugs, and their words of encouragement. We are called to reach out to the sick and the lowly, allow them to see the hand of God through our love. “Avoid not those who weep, but mourn with those who mourn; neglect not to visit the sick- for these things you will be loved.” (Sirach 7:34-35) 

Love is sacrifice, it is self-giving. We need to give of ourselves, not so we can get something in return but because that is what love is. Christ shows us how to love. He worked, prayed and lived for others. We need to die unto ourselves! Be rid of our selfish desires, the grudges we hold on to, the hurts we can’t forgive!

God has blessed me abundantly! Not because of anything I have done but because he loves me. It is only through his love and grace that I am worthy.