“Lord, save us! We are perishing!” He said to them, “Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?” Then he got up, rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was great calm. (Matthew 8:25-26)
So often similar words escape my lips, “Lord, save me! I am drowning.” I allow the stressors in my life to overwhelm me and my racing thoughts drown out God’s gentle whispers. My fear rises in me and I begin to fight, groping for anything to hang onto. I begin to cling to things of this world to try and calm my anxious heart, but they are only temporary fixes.
Only God can provide the peace that I long for, only he can calm the raging sea around me. I am learning to trust him, but at times I can’t seem to surrender to him completely. I want to know why he would love me even when I continue to sin against him; why would he continue to try and wrap me in his loving arms when I struggle against him? I think that I will “get my act together” first and then surrender to him. But God is revealing himself to me now, he is pouring out his grace upon me now. I can’t become the person he wants me to be if I don’t allow him to get close to me.
Two women from the Prayer Team at my parish were praying with me. We were praying that I would find peace; that I could let go of a broken relationship and trust in God’s love for me. As they were praying over me, I kept hearing, “No! No!” and the image I had was of me as a child and God was trying to wrap his arms around me. I was the one saying “no” and pushing him away. I don’t want to be loved only to be betrayed again. After we were done praying, I described this imagery to the women and one of them had the same image and heard me crying “no.” Since that day, I have tried to replace that image with one of me falling backward into God’s arms and allowing him to catch me, one of total trust. I am trying to grasp that God’s love is not like our love which is limited and often with strings attached. His love is limitless, there are no strings attached. He loves me during the darkness of my sins and when I am praising Him. He loves me when I turn my back on Him and when I go running to Him.
God knows everything about me and he understands my fears. He loves me and wants my love for him to grow. He doesn't want me to live in fear any longer. He is continually revealing his love for me and wants me to know that I can trust him.
I know why the Creator of the universe would love me, because I am his precious daughter!
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