“Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9:2) These are the words Jesus spoke to the paralytic in today’s gospel, and he was healed. Jesus is the Divine Healer. The gift that this man was given is also available to us in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. “Through the visible priest, the invisible Christ forgives our sins” (Francois Maurice). We are assured of this promise.
In the past, I had a hard time letting go of my sins. I would go to confession but not feel the sense of joy and peace that I do now. I didn’t forgive myself. I would hold onto my sins and use them to reinforce my feelings of worthlessness and feelings that I was a bad person who was unlovable.
I think most of us have a particular sin or two that we continue to commit over and over. I would be filled with shame when I repeatedly committed the same sin. I felt weak and hopeless. I came across this quote and prayer a few years ago in Magnificat that I read frequently.
“Admitting sin is one of the hardest things in the world to do. We are not so reluctant to confess the small sins or the sins that matter very little to us, but we struggle to present honestly to God the sins most deeply woven into the fabric of our lives and, in confessing them, to let them go. We call on the power of Christ’s cross to free us from these bonds that hold us. God, the father of mercies, you sent your Son to save sinners. Grant us wisdom and courage to know our sinfulness, and humility to beg your forgiveness, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.”
There have been a few priests in my life that have helped me to realize that going to confession is a blessing. It is an opportunity to be washed clean, to start with a clean slate on my journey to holiness. They have taught me the importance of a good confession; to look honestly and with humility at the depth of my heart. To present to God the places in my heart that I would prefer to keep in the dark but know that they can only be healed if I allow Christ’s light to shine on them.
“When we were lost and could not find the way to you, you loved us more than ever” (From Eucharistic Prayer for Reconciliation). God never abandons us. His heart breaks when we are lost. He is constantly reaching out to us, calling us back to him. But my sin bring on the darkness, the temptations of this world drown out God’s gentle whispers. When I cry out to him, his light penetrates the darkness of my sin. He commands the temptations to “Be Silent!” He draws me into his strong embrace and showers me with his love.
I am no longer afraid of confession; my fear has been replaced with God’s love and compassion. There is no disgust, no disappointment, no judgment, only forgiveness and peace.
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