The Courage to Be Healed

In today’s gospel, Matthew 18:21-35, we again we hear about forgiveness. How fitting that it falls on the 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I have listened to and read many stories about survivors of the attacks and the loved ones of those killed in the attacks. For those who have moved on, the common thread that has allowed them to do this is forgiveness. Unforgiveness keeps us stuck; it causes us to be bitter and angry, desiring revenge. It eats away at us and clouds our view of the world.

How do we know when we have forgiven someone completely? Will there be no more pain when we think about that moment of betrayal? Is it possible to forgive someone and still have pain as you work through the betrayal? I don’t know the answer to these questions. But I do know that it takes time to learn to trust again, it takes courage to be vulnerable again, to be open to love. I think I have forgiven completely but as the anniversary of that day approaches and the memory of the events leading up to that moment of betrayal fill my mind, I am not so sure. My heart aches. Is it because I haven’t forgiven him completely? Is it sadness over the loss of a deep relationship that had sustained me through some difficult times in my life? Even though I find myself hurting, I do know that I am stronger because of this. I have learned things about myself that I didn’t know before. I have felt the love of God at a more profound depth because it was He who was holding me up. It is God who brings good out of evil.

I read something this week that someone sent to me about healing. It said that most people aren’t looking for true healing because it is hard and painful work, they are only seeking relief. The only way to be healed is to journey toward the center of our pain. It is there that we find the Lord waiting for us. The article included the following.

The Lord Jesus was journeying one day through Jericho (Luke 18:35) and a certain blind man kept calling out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Finally the Lord stopped and asked this blind man, “What do you want me to do for you?” A strange question, perhaps, to ask of a blind man. But consider that this man’s life will be totally changed if Jesus heals him. More will be expected of him and it will no longer be tolerated that he should sit and beg of others. All that he has known will vanish as a new world, and new expectations dawn on him. So Jesus asks what he really wants, healing or relief? “Lord I want to see!” And he not only saw, but proceeded to follow Jesus up the road. A new vision, a new path, a new destination, a new life. (Msgr. Charles Pope) It takes courage to be healed!