As I was praying this morning and thinking about work yesterday, giving thanks to God for getting me through the day, I was reflecting on the visit with a particular patient. Crystal is 18 years old and has a recurrence of her cancer. There are many things about her situation which make her prognosis poor. If you look at the data, her chance of long-term survival is 0%. When we met with her and her parents yesterday the doctor mentioned that we were very confident that we would cure her of her cancer when she was first diagnosed. But now that it is back, we aren’t as confident that we can cure her. She immediately said, “Well I am confident that I will be cured.”
When I was reflecting on her words this morning, what I heard were Jesus’ words to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan.” (Matthew 16:23) These were strong words that took me by surprise during my prayer time. Were those words meant for me? The word satan literally means an adversary or one who opposes us in the accomplishment of our designs. I don’t think Crystal saw us as an adversary; we would love to be able to cure her cancer. But she does need us to have the same confidence that she does, believing that we will beat this cancer. She wants us to be warriors in her fight, to aggressively treat this horrible disease to the best of our ability. When I saw her and her parents, I wanted to hug them all and tell them I was sorry. I didn’t do this and now I am really glad that I didn’t, God gave me the foresight to not do this. She doesn’t need me to say that I am sorry and to act as if we are defeated.
Sometimes when we see so much sickness or violence around us we begin to be pulled under by it. We think what is this world coming to? It used to not be this way. But that isn’t true. There has always been sickness and violence in the world; but there is also so much joy and beauty, healing and peace. I know that my job makes me more acutely aware of my blessings and I have to always put those first and foremost in my thoughts so that they aren’t clouded by the sickness that is a part of my everyday life.
Lord, help me to always look at the world through your eyes; to see the beauty in all things that you have created. Help me to be a warrior for my patients against this horrible disease no matter what the odds. And if it is your will that we are not successful in treating the cancer, help me to be filled with compassion and hope, for even in death there is glory.
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