For the Healing of the World

“No man’s cross is laid upon him for himself alone, but for the healing of the whole world.”  Caryll Houselander goes on to say that when we receive the cross that is laid upon us, we receive Christ. “He gives us his hands to take hold of, his power to make it a redeeming thing, a blessed thing, his life to cause it to flower, his heart to enable us to rejoice in accepting our own and one another’s burdens.”

During our Parish Mission this week, the speaker talked about being Christ to all those that cross our paths. He reminded us that life is messy and hard, it is full of heartache and joy, and we are called to share in this with one another. Oftentimes our fear gets in our way. We worry that we are going to say the wrong thing to someone who is hurting so we say nothing at all. We don’t want to offend anyone so instead of standing up for what we believe in, we stand for nothing and become cowards. When we’ve been wounded by someone we love and trust, we want to draw into ourselves and not make ourselves vulnerable again. But that fear just keeps us bound up in chains.

There is no way to really understand suffering. Why does one family experience so much death while another goes unscathed? How is it that two children have the same diagnosis but one will live and the other one dies? Why are people hated just because of the color of their skin or their religious belief? The sufferings in this world are innumerable and there is so much that we aren’t even aware of. We are often overwhelmed by the suffering in our own life but scripture reminds us that God doesn’t give us more that we can handle. That is, if we allow him and others to share in our suffering. Christ died to heal the world from sin and death and as Christians we are called to do the same. “Avoid not those who weep, but mourn with those who mourn; neglect not to visit the sick, for these things you will be loved.” (Sirach 7:34-35)

As we prepare to move into Holy Week, we see the hatred toward Christ mounting. In the gospel readings we hear how the gathered up stones to stone him, and they plot to kill him. But Christ faces this without fear. He is confident of his Father’s love and obedient to his Father’s will. Heavenly Father, help me to accept my cross with the same obedience as your son, help me to trust in your perfect plan. I know one day I will see all things with your eyes and will understand the reasons for the crosses you have laid upon me. Help me see the redemptive power of my suffering for the healing of this world. Amen.

The Force of Habit

There was a beautiful meditation by Blessed John Henry Newman in Magnificat on Tuesday. He writes that “we must consider the force of habit.”  He was speaking specifically about our habit of sin. He says that our “conscience at first warns us against sin; but if we disregard it, it soon ceases to upbraid us; and thus sins, once known, in time become secret sins.” We get comfortable in our sins. What once may have brought about remorse, now is seen with indifference. When we see others committing the same sin we may become judgmental or self-righteous. We justify our sins, we downplay the effect they have on ourselves and others, but we condemn others. In his meditation he goes on to say, “it is not the less a sin because we do not feel it to be such. Habit has made it a secret sin. To think of these things, and to be alarmed, is the first step towards acceptable obedience; to be at ease, is to be unsafe.”

Several months ago I went to Shepherd’s Café and went to confession with a priest other than my regular confessor at the time. I confessed my sin that I had gotten comfortable with, that had become a habit. This priest challenged me and it alarmed me. The reality of my sin was brought into the light. A part of me wanted to protest and tell him he didn’t understand, but a part of me was glad that God had placed this priest in my life at that moment. I spoke with my regular confessor about it. He knows my history, he knows how this came to be and that it had become a habit that I often struggled with. He said that we are all culpable for our sins and that I need to continue fighting this temptation and to call upon the Holy Spirit to give me the strength necessary to overcome this sin and all my sins.

One thing necessary in overcoming our sins, especially those that we have grown comfortable with is to ask God to help us look deeper as to what the cause may be. Figuring out the cause of our sin and dealing with that may be exactly what we need to overcome our sin once and for all. When we avoid going to confession for long periods of time the same thing happens, we become numb to our sins. We get used to the darkness. It is in these times that I have to shake off the indifference and humbly go before the Lord and receive the graces that are bestowed on us in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Lord, Jesus, help me to not be indifferent to the hurt that my sins cause me and others; to not be indifferent to the strain that they place on my relationship with you and others. Give me your eyes to look upon my sins with truth so that with your grace I can overcome them. Amen.

Take Away the Stone

For the scrutinies, today’s gospel story is about the raising of Lazarus. In this story a couple of things always touch my heart. First of all, Jesus wept. "’Where have you laid him?" They said to him, ‘Sir, come and see.’ And Jesus wept. So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him.’" (John 11:34-36) He was fully human and his heart was hurting over the death of his friend.

“Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise.’ Martha said to him, ‘I know he will rise, in the resurrection on the last day.’ Jesus told her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’" (John 11:23-26)
The miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead was the climax of signs that Jesus performed in his ministry. It was these signs that lead to his death. Lazarus is presented as a token of the real life that Jesus will give to all who believe in him once he has been raised from the dead. Our belief in Jesus’ words provides us with the hope that we will one day see our beloved who have gone before us. I know I will be united with my family and also with all the children that I have care for who have died before me.

During RCIA today, the deacon’s reflection gave the story a whole new meaning to me. He talked about the faith that the men had in Jesus when he told them to “take away the stone.” If the men didn’t trust Jesus and believe that what he was asking them to do had some purpose, they would have ignored his request and thought he was crazy. I am sure they had no idea that Jesus was going to raise Lazarus from the dead but they trusted him and were obedient to him. The deacon talked about how Jesus says these words to us too. “Take away the stone.” He asked us to reflect on the stone in our life that keeps us in our tomb; the stone that needs to be removed in order for us to live in the light of Christ. Is the stone one of bitterness for a wrong done to us? Is the stone one of guilt and shame for something we have done in the past? Is the stone one of pride that prevents us from being humble? He also reminded us that these stones are too heavy for us to move on our own. It requires us to turn to God for his help. After a few minutes of reflection we wrote on a piece of rice paper what our stone is. In each of the corners of the room was a glass bowl of water. One by one we placed our piece of paper in the water and watched our “stone” vanish. We were then given a copy of the prayer that was being read during this activity. This was very powerful. I felt a weight being lifted from me as my piece of paper, my stone, dissolved. The prayer is titled “Closer to You” and below are the words from it.

Lord, Jesus, I want to draw closer to you. Take possession of my whole being; my heart, soul, mind and strength. Let me love with your heart, see with your eyes, hear with your ears, speak with your lips, understand with your mind and serve with your will. Grant me the fullness of your Holy Spirit so I will be transformed by your love and wisdom. Ignite in me a deeper love for you and inspire my understanding and imagination. Mature my faith, strengthen my hope, increase my trust and inflame my passion to worship and serve you. Most Holy God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit; make my body, soul and spirit your sanctuary so that as you are one, I may be one with you. Amen.

Remember His Mercy

How do we know if our reality coincides with the truth? How culpable is someone for their actions when they are so wounded inside that they don’t see the hurt they cause others? How do we get to a place where we let go and pray, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do?”

I’ve been that person. The wounds inflicted on me as a child caused me to trust no one, to shut down so that no one could ever hurt me like that again. I was almost consumed with fear. I was afraid to love and afraid to be loved. I was moving through life but not living. So many times I would flinch from the touch of another. I would feel the fear rising up in me. Many times I just wanted to fade into the woodwork. Praise be to God for reaching down from on high and rescuing me! He has been revealing to me his Truth and slowly stripping away the lies and fears that bound me. Jesus is not afraid to go to the core of our shame and heal us. The Blood of the Lamb washes away our sin and shame.

How could I forget how merciful and patient the Lord has been with me? My judgmental attitude and pride kept me from even being open to the possibility that maybe he didn’t mean to hurt me intentionally. His words pierced me in a place that he knew was tender and fragile. How could he have not done it on purpose? The Lord has reminded me this week how many times I lashed out when others got too close to me. Even though I allowed them to see a part of me that was vulnerable, if they tried to get any closer, I lashed out. I intentionally pushed them away because I was afraid to be vulnerable. I was afraid of being loved because then I would be hurt again. God helped me to see that this is exactly what he did to me. Our friendship was getting to be more than he could deal with. He allowed me to walk beside him through a trying time but it was too much, he had made himself vulnerable, and he hated that. So he wrote me out of his life and saw nothing wrong with it at all. To him it made perfect sense and it still does, that is why there is no way to reconcile things right now.

I have prayed many, many times for God to help me be at peace. And I finally understand why I had to let go and it can’t be any other way. God gave me the courage to walk away and now I need the fortitude to stay away. To not give in to the tugs on my heart that tempt me to continue clinging to something that is over. My anger has been replaced with compassion and I pray that he will allow God to bind up his wounds and heal the hurt in his heart.

Receive His Gift

Our Lord, Jesus Christ is always present to us and he longs for us to desire him. No matter how far we stray or how many times we stumble and fall, the Lord’s love for us is unwavering. Whenever anyone seeks him, he is freely admitted to the presence of the Savior. It is a gift that he gives freely. We don’t have to earn it. We don’t have to clean our act up before we approach him. I think he prefers us to come to him battered and bruised. It shows that we trust him and are willing to be vulnerable to him. Often times my bruises are self-inflicted from struggling with him. And when I finally quit struggling, when I grow weary of trying to do things my way, I bow before him. I seek the Divine Healer and bring to him my brokenness, knowing that he will bind up my wounds.

Christ is present for all those who thirst, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.” (John 7:37) Only he provides for us this life-giving water. His word is always present to enlighten the mind of those who desire it. His teachings are sometimes hard but they are given to us out of love. They aren’t spoken to us harshly but with the love of a father, our Father, to his beloved sons and daughters. God longs to gather us into himself. He wants us to realize that each and every one of us was created for a special purpose, not of this world but of God’s desire. Before we were even conceived in our mother’s womb God consecrated us and we’ve been called to walk in his light.

Where are the places in my life that I’ve strayed? What things of this world have I poured my energy into that only lead me to sin and darkness? These are the things I must reflect on and look at honestly. Christ is here with me in that darkness, I just have to turn my face to him, nothing else. In his presence I will receive the grace that I need to get back on the path that leads me to holiness. He won’t come in and fix everything but will help me to make things right according to his plan. The work is hard but there is nothing that is worth more than being where God created me to be, in his presence.

Surrender

God helped me to see that I have to let go, I have to walk away. So I pray for him to remove the doubt and fear from my heart and help me to be at peace. I want to do His will, to do what is pleasing to him even if it is painful. Dear Lord, I need courage to walk away and more importantly to never look back. Provide me with the gift of fortitude to bear the weight of this cross. Help me to face my trials and burdens with confidence in knowing that I am not alone.

“Our sufferings are not setbacks, but part of our path. If lived in the presence of the Father, nothing is wasted.” ~ Magnificat

I know you use all things for your glory. There is nothing insignificant in our lives when we are united with Christ. May all that I do be offered to you, Lord. May I look beyond myself and my pain and reach out to others, especially those who are hurting. Help me to take the energy that I have been pouring into my attempts for reconciliation and pour it into my relationship with you. Your love is all that I need, help me to quit looking for affirmation and love from those in this world. My complete healing is your desire. Forgive me for trying to make things happen my way and according to my plan. Forgive me for my selfishness in trying to force something to happen that is not part of your plan. Total surrender is what is required for this healing to occur. Help me to not be afraid and to let go completely; to fall into Your hands, my Creator.

“Let us fall into the hands of the LORD and not into the hands of men, for equal to his majesty is the mercy that he shows.” (Sirach 2:18)

Measuring Stick

When meditating on today’s gospel I was reflecting on where I fit into Jesus’ parable. I want to be the tax collector, coming before the Lord in perfect humility. Knowing that I have greatly sinned against God and others. Admitting my sin and even though I am unworthy, begging God to be merciful because I trust in his goodness. There are many times, though, that I am more like the Pharisee. As humans we like measuring sticks. Just like the Pharisee, we think we are better than others because we don’t commit adultery or lie. We follow the rules, we go to Mass every Sunday, we tithe and even throw in extra money when there is a second collection, and we abstain from meat on Fridays.

But for Christ there are no measuring sticks. During this Lenten season we are reminded that there is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive. We aren’t called to just love our neighbor but to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. The Lord wants all of us. He wants us to quit keeping a tally of the good things we have done and the wrongs that have been committed against us. This week has been very hard and I keep asking God, “why”? I look back over what has happened and make note of the things I have done and the things he did (especially to me). I wonder how I am going to get through this and why I am the one who has to walk away. But God has reminded me that I am not doing this alone. He wants me to let go of all of it because I will never make sense of it. People who think they have no reason to be forgiven are also the most unforgiving people. They are full of pride and don’t care that they wound others. There is nothing I can do to change that stony heart. Only God can do that and only when the person is ready to be like the tax collector in today’s gospel and humbly go before God with a contrite heart.

Jesus withheld nothing from his Father and he withholds nothing from us. He gives his very self, without limit and without end. He asks us to do the same. He wants me to drop everything I am holding onto, most especially the pain, and to fall into his love. His perfect plan is far beyond anything I can imagine.

Christ’s Presence

“Christ is present in each one of our brothers. There is no encounter in which we do not encounter him; no solitude in which he does not join us; no silence where his voice is not heard deepening, rather than troubling, that silence.” ~ Francois Mauriac

These words are from today’s meditation in Magnificat. During this Lenten season I have found myself seeking out more time alone with our Lord. After daily Mass I spend a few minutes in one of the alcoves at St. Monica’s before our Blessed Mother. At work I spend my breaks in the chapel in silence. I’ve been doing the Stations of the Cross almost every day. Each time I have done them I have been alone. You’d think with how big St. Ann’s is that I would run into others but I have always had the courtyard to myself. Even last night the chapel was empty. I am so thankful for these times alone with Christ reflecting on his Passion. It has helped me through my struggles and rather than feeling alone I feel his presence all around me.

There is “no silence where his voice is not heard deepening, rather than troubling, that silence.” Sometimes I feel that his silence is troubling instead of deepening his presence. I cry out but there is only a deafening silence. I beg for him to make himself present to me. After my tears are shed and I feel spent. After I am through struggling, I feel his peace enveloping me. Why do I continue to struggle against him? Why do I make things more difficult instead of trusting in him completely?

Heavenly Father, thank you for your patience with me. For standing beside me while I battle with myself and my demons and then for pouring out your love upon me and healing my wounds. Deepen my love for you and my trust in your infinite wisdom, your perfect plan. Amen.

A Stumbling Block to Many

“Brothers and sisters: Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who are called, Jews and Greeks alike, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.” (1 Corinthians 1:22-25)

Because the cross does not follow human reason, it is an obstacle, a scandal, a stumbling block to many. The cross divides humankind into two parts, those who reject it and those who accept its message and are experiencing the power of God. Suffering, the message of the cross, is certainly one of the greatest human mysteries. This mystery, expressed in Jesus’ passion, is at the center of the gospel preaching. As humans, we want to solve this mystery. Some see suffering as a punishment for sin and others believe innocent suffering reveals an unjust God. Even those of us who believe in Jesus Christ still stumble. At times we fall back into trying to earn God’s acceptance. We think our goodness will earn for us freedom from suffering and hardship-true salvation. However, the Cross of Christ rejects our self-sufficiency, our best efforts are intrinsically selfish and it declares our efforts null and void.

The cross declares our need for a savior. The cross is our most precious treasure because it frees us from ourselves. We look upon our suffering Savior and realize that our sins and selfishness put him there. That ultimately, Jesus is bearing on the cross our just punishment for our sins. Our own selfishness, our desire to be first and foremost, our self-absorption, self-concern, and self-conceit put Jesus there. The cross breaks us of our pride as we witness God’s love poured out in Christ. He took our place, bore our sins and died our death. The cross does not have to be a stumbling block. The cross is mine and your most precious treasure. The love of God is displayed in all its glory there. “He indeed died for all, so that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:15)

They Plot Against Me

We may harshly judge the mother of the two sons of Zebedee. What nerve this woman had to command Jesus that her sons sit at his right and left in the kingdom of heaven!  But we often do the same especially in our thoughts. We look at others and think we are holier than they are and deserve special recognition from God. We think others are selfish with their time because they don’t make time to do the acts of charity that we do. But if we are keeping score than our actions mean nothing! We may judge those who are wealthy or successful thinking they don’t deserve it, or feel sorry for myself because I deserve it, not them. Just because we don’t verbalize our thoughts, our hearts are full of indignation just as the disciples’ were. 

In the first reading, Jeremiah is calling out to God, his enemies are plotting against him and they want to destroy him. They are going to do it by carefully noting everything he says and try to use his words to ruin him.  This reading was a wakeup call to me this time last year. A priest had hurt me deeply and I found my heart growing bitter. His homilies and meditations that were once a source of inspiration had become an opportunity for me to seek out his hypocrisy and I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted his followers to know that he is not the wonderful person that they all think he is. I wanted to knock him off the pedestal that he had been placed upon by so many people. And while I never let others know what I was feeling, these feelings were eating away at my soul. My heart was full of anger and hatred and I was being consumed by sin. Those words from Jeremiah were a slap in the face; I was doing the very thing that the people of Judah were doing. I immediately felt full of shame and prayed for a change of heart. I went to confession seeking God’s mercy. And while it was hard to see I could be that heartless, I thanked God for opening my eyes to a side of me that I never knew I had. I always thought of myself as compassionate and accepting of others.

I am so thankful that I am in a better place. Whenever I pray the Our Father, I especially focus on the words, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  I certainly don’t want God’s forgiveness to be measured by my forgiveness of this person. I pray for God to help me to love as He loves and to burn away all that is not of Him. God has allowed our paths to cross again and my heart is filled with peace. I can listen to his homilies without judgment and am even inspired at times.

Strength for the Journey

Jesus has already begun to reveal to his disciples that he will suffer greatly, be rejected by the elders, chief priests and the scribes, be killed and then rise after three days. He has begun to teach that whoever wishes to come after him, must deny himself, take up his cross and follow him. These teachings were difficult and Jesus knew this. He took Peter, James and John and led them up Mt. Tabor to be alone with them. The Transfiguration before Peter, James and John gave them a glimpse into the divine glory that Jesus possesses. It was intended to strengthen the disciples for the Passion that was soon to take place. Peter tells Jesus that it is good that they are there and he wants to stay there. He wants to build a tent for each of them and stick around for a while. God also gives us mountain experiences. He gives them to us to strengthen us for our own crosses that await us.

I recently went to a talk and the priest mentioned something very similar. He said that during our desert experiences, God provides us consolations to give us strength for the journey. But sometimes we cling to those consolations. We want to stay just as Peter did. But if we stay then our journey becomes longer, we get attached to the consolations and worry that there might not be another one along the way. We begin to lose our desire to reach the ultimate goal and settle for where we are at. But this consolation will never fulfill us. It was never meant to do that. When we leave these mountain experiences we need to remember that we are not alone. Christ is with us just as he was with Peter, James and John when they came down from Mt. Tabor. Rather than being fearful of the cross that God places before us, or angry or whatever feelings we may have, we need to embrace our cross just as Christ did and allow God to transfigure our hearts with his grace. 

Be Perfect

Jesus tells us, “So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.”  (Matthew 5:48) Jesus’ command in today’s gospel is such a hard thing for me to do. We are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. How can I love those who have hurt me? I have to look past the hurt and into the heart of that person. In each one of us there is good and when I choose to look beyond the hurt and find the good in them then love can grow. And, yes, it is a choice. It is up to me to reach out, to turn the other cheek. So often the pain turns my heart into stone. I refuse to budge. I tell myself that I did nothing wrong and it is up to them to try and make amends. But this makes me no better than the tax collectors and pagans. Why does Christ so often reach out to the sinner? Why did he come to the defense of the woman caught in adultery? So often we judge others, especially their sins. We somehow think their sins are worse than ours. So often we hear people complaining, we all know what they are against but do we ever know what they are for? We see the hatred but do we ever see love? “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7)

All sin comes from our wounded and broken self. Instead of judging the wounded, we need to reach out to them and show them the love that they need to receive. Jesus took the initiative and reached out in love and it was always a gift, he wasn’t looking for something in return. But when we receive true love, the love of Christ that is pure and good, there is always going to be a response. Our heart can’t keep from swelling and growing. It wants to pour out that same perfect love that we receive from our heavenly Father to those around us especially those that are hurting and in need of His love. And in that way we are perfect.  

Seek and You Will Find

“Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.’” (Matthew 7:7-8)

Our faith must always be active. In today’s gospel Jesus tells us to ask, seek, and knock. Throughout scripture we are called to listen, pray, love, serve, take up our cross and follow Christ. We are instructed to clothe, feed, comfort, visit, forgive and have pity on one another. Jesus tells us, “Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.”  (Matthew 7:12) As we live out our faith the truth will be revealed to us. We will begin to see things through the eyes of Christ which moves us even more.

It is the very nature of every human being to seek God. We were created to live in communion with our Lord, forever praising him. Although our broken world often interferes with this, that core part of us remains and it will always seek Him. Our hearts cry out to him in prayer and this fervent prayer that rises from the depths of our soul will always be received with love and we will find consolation and comfort in Him. No desire or need is too insignificant for God; he wants us to come to him for everything. Prayer is a way of showing our trust in God. By making ourselves vulnerable to him and allowing him into the deepest, darkest places of our soul that we often are afraid to look at ourselves, we find him pouring out his grace and love upon us.

“If prayer enables us the better to understand the Father’s will, it also helps us to penetrate deeper into reality. To a heart steeped in prayer everything becomes transparent. To it is disclosed the inmost core of being. In prayer everything points to God, speaks in some sort of his Name, praises him unceasingly.”  ~ Fr. Andre Louf