Blessings

Here are some of the lyrics to a new song by Laura Story called Blessings

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life 
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Today is my birthday, and as I reflect back over the past year I can see the places that God has helped me to be more in step with the person he created me to be and the places that I need to continue to work on, inviting Christ to be present instead of hiding those places from him.

There have been trials and healing in my physical, emotional and spiritual well being. I spent last fall having many medical tests done to try and find out the cause of the neurological symptoms I have developed. EEG, EMG, MRIs, CT scan, bone scan, PET scan, sonograms, tons of blood work, etc. Each test revealed a new problem but gave us no answers. It was a time of anxiety and stress, an opportunity to deepen my trust in the Lord and a time of miracles. The PET scan revealed a positive nodule on my thyroid, an incidental finding. The day I went in for the biopsy, I received the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick and when they did the sonogram to locate the nodule for the biopsy, it wasn’t there! I got down on my knees before the Blessed Sacrament and gave praise and thanks to God. My neurological symptoms continue and my medical problems remain somewhat of a mystery but I give thanks for each day that I am blessed with.

It was also a year of trials and suffering for our son, Andrew. He suffers from severe, chronic headaches that got progressively worse throughout the year. We have no answers to the cause and have tried everything imaginable to alleviate the pain. Watching my child suffer and not be able to do anything about it was much more difficult than any pain I encounter personally. His suffering has allowed me to draw closer to our Mother, Mary who watched her son endure horrific suffering. I have wanted to have a deeper relationship with Mary, and now I have a connection that I can draw upon.

I am settling into a new normal since my mother’s death. I have heard many people say that the second year after the death is often harder. The numbness has worn off and the pain is more palpable. Most people think you “should be over it by now.” But you are never “over it,” you will never go back to being the person you were before the death. But your life settles into a new normal. It sometimes seems like just yesterday that she died and other times, forever.

God has blessed me abundantly!! I have a wonderful husband, and two amazing, loving sons. He has placed beautiful, holy people in my life that have walked with me on my journey of faith and I will never be able to repay them for all of their love and support. He has blessed me with a job that I love and in which I can see miracles happen every day. I am able to celebrate with the children and their families as they finish their treatments and go on to live long healthy lives. And I am privileged to be a part of the lives of those who are dying and get a glimpse of their journey toward eternal life. Working with these families makes me truly appreciate the little things in life that mean so much and forget about the nonsense that tries to rob me of my joy. I do believe that the "trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are His mercies in disguise."