By God’s Grace

“Do not think I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. Whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 11:34, 37)

I used to have trouble with this gospel reading, how could I love anyone more than my children? How can I not be worthy of Christ because I love my children so much? But I have learned that unless Christ is first in my life, than none of my relationships will be what they are meant to be. It is through my relationship with Christ that I even know how to love. It is by His example that I learn about sacrificial love, and being a parent requires much sacrifice.

Jesus talks about causing division in households, “For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother…and one’s enemies will be those of his household” (Matthew 10:35-36).

A couple of years ago I spoke with a priest, Fr. Jason, about how I felt that as I grew in my faith and my relationship with Christ deepened, I grew further apart from my husband. He told me that Jesus said there would be division in households because of him. I was frustrated because I was in awe of Christ and my desire to know him even more was so strong. I wanted my husband to experience what I was, but he wanted nothing to do with it. Fr. Jason reminded me that I was the one who was changing “the rules”, not my husband. My husband was happy with things the way they had been for the past 22 years of marriage.

As I stepped back and looked at the situation, I realized that I was being judgmental and selfish. I wanted my husband to change and thought it was ridiculous that he wouldn’t. Why on earth would he not want this too? I certainly wasn’t being Christ-like; Jesus never demanded that others followed him. Instead of being patient and gentle, I was demanding and intolerable of anything less than what I wanted. The more I pushed my thoughts on my husband, the harder he resisted. So I decided to work on myself. I can’t change my husband, or anyone else for that matter, but I can change myself. I have tried to be more loving, more patient, and through my actions I have tried to show my husband the love of Christ. Slowly the desire in my husband’s heart to know more about the Catholic faith and Christ has increased. It is only by God’s grace that this has happened. I will continue to pray that God will increase my husband’s faith as well as my own.