Today’s gospel is about the death of John the Baptist. John wasn’t afraid to speak the truth even to King Herod, telling him, “It is not lawful for you to have her.” (Matthew 14:4) The truth is sometimes hard to hear. We may choose to ignore it or get angry like Herodias did, wanting to have John killed. We allow others to persuade us to do what is wrong because they may think less of us. Herod knew that John was a righteous and holy man and even feared him. He liked to listen to John speak and was intrigued by his words. Herod foolishly told Herodias’ daughter that he would grant her anything that she wished, over a dance. How easily we are caught up in things of this world and our own selfish pleasures. And when she asked for John’s head on a platter, “The king was distressed, but because of his oaths and the guests who were present, he ordered that it be given, and he had John beheaded in the prison.” (Matthew 14:9-10) He could have easily told her that was ridiculous and he wouldn’t allow such a thing but he wanted to save face. He was worried about his own reputation over the life of a righteous man.
This is an extreme case but there are times that we chose to do the same thing. We make promises without much thought because someone has tapped into a desire of ours. And rather than admitting we made a mistake or out of fear of ridicule we compromise our morals. When I hear things, whether it be from a friend or foe, and it sets off a strong emotion in me I try to discern why this has happened. Is it because what has been spoken is the truth? Last September a friend said some very hurtful things to me that rocked my world. Once I got over the devastation, I prayed for an open heart. If he did speak the truth, I wanted to be able to face it. But he didn’t speak the truth, he was just saying those things to intentionally hurt me and push me away. It took some soul searching to work through this and once I realized that it wasn’t true, I had to let it go.
I do know that when a certain scripture passage or homily causes me to become defensive it is because I am hearing the Truth and don’t necessarily want to believe it because that means there is something that needs to change, either an attitude or action that is not in line with God’s expectations. These truths may make me uncomfortable but they won’t cause my heart to break because God is speaking them out of love for me. I must die to my selfish ways in order to be his disciple.
“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” (Mark 8:35)
Thank you Kelly,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree and have experienced that same feeling when I've heard something that strikes a chord with an over reaction. And when I reflect, 99% of the time I will find where that trigger comes from. And many times it is something I need to work on fixing and it goes on the top of my to do today list, my very long to do today list.
And sometimes almost as often, when I look at the facts in relation to the trigger, I find that I have bought into 'the lie' and believed things about myself that are not true, and often because of their source, I assume that I am the flawed and defective one.
It can be so difficult sometimes to trust yourself over someone in authority or that you have given all your trust to, even when in your heart you know it is not true.
Yes, I have plenty of defects, sins and flaws that need to be fixed, healed and removed, but I don't have to accept the ones that are not mine and allow others to make them mine.
Over the past few months, I have come to realize that maybe God isn't asking for suffering from me. Maybe I have gotten used to the idea of being the one in the wrong and do not know how to believe good truths about myself. Maybe I have just taken the word of others as Gospel when in fact their opinion is more about them than me.
I am working on trying to see myself from God's perspective, but that is not easy because I have been seeing myself of my perspective of His perspective and apparently after thousands of dollars in therapy, drugs, healing, I find out that my perspective of His perspective is quite inaccurate.
Sorry to go on and on, but this did make me think, now I'm late for church:(
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