Mary, Queen of Heaven

Today is the memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Over the last few years I have struggled regarding our Mother, Mary. Growing up, there was never an emphasis on Mary. I learned to pray the Rosary and knew she bore our Savior, but I never prayed to her or asked for her intercession. I never thought of her as a role model for me because I always felt she was "different." She was born without sin so how could she know about the struggle of sin, the sorrow I feel after sinning and the humility and courage it takes to admit my sins and ask for forgiveness.
But over the last few years, as I have sought to grow deeper in my faith, I have learned a lot about Mary. There are graces that Mary bestows on us. Mary will intercede for us and take our prayers to her Son, who always does as his mother wishes.

I attended a talk on the rosary last fall at a Catholic conference and learned so much. The rosary, though Marian in character, is above all a Christ-centered prayer. Mary always points us to Christ. The rosary has all the depth of the Gospel message in its entirety; of which it can be said to be a compendium. The rosary by its very nature is a meditative prayer in which we are called to meditate upon the mystery of Christ's Incarnation, life, death, resurrection and Ascension. When we pray the rosary, we are contemplating Christ with Mary. We are being conformed to Christ through Mary. Mary also models the perfect response to faith, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your Word" (Luke 1:38).

For Advent I prayed the rosary daily but I still never had the desire to pray to Mary or ask for her intercession. I spoke with a priest about my desire and struggle to have a relationship with Mary. He said I shouldn't try so hard; that it will happen if it is God's will. So I continue to pray the rosary and when I come across reflections on Mary, or she is mentioned in the gospel, I pray about it.
Today's gospel is from Luke, the finding of Jesus in the Temple. Reflecting on Mary's panic, not knowing where her son was, was something I could relate to. Many years ago when my eldest son was 4 years old, I lost him in a large department store, in a large mall. The fear I felt when I couldn't find him was the same fear Mary felt. The relief I felt when I found him, mixed with the anger, wondering "Why did you do that?" were the same feelings Mary felt.

Slowly I have begun to feel a connection with Mary and have occasionally asked for her intercession. I have placed this desire of mine to know her, in my Father's hands and trust that it will unfold and deepen according to his will, not mine.