I Will Rise

“There’s a peace I’ve come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail. There’s an anchor for my soul, I can say ‘it is well.’ Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He is risen from the dead. And I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles’ wings before my God, fall on my knees. And rise, I will rise” (I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin)

I love this song by Chris Tomlin. It brings me peace, especially when I think about my mom dying of cancer and of all my patients who have died of cancer. Yesterday I was privileged to be there with my patient when God called his name. There was no more sorrow or pain for Camren. It was 9 weeks and two days ago that he arrived at the hospital for what we thought were his last few hours here on earth but God had other plans. My meditation on 7/13 was about Camren; wondering what was God’s plan. Why was he still here when physiologically, it shouldn’t have been possible? I thought at the time it was for Camren to be a witness of God’s love. But as the weeks went by and his body continued to be ravaged by his cancer and his pain was harder and harder to control, I couldn’t understand. Why did he have to suffer so much? His parents were so exhausted from spending all those nights at the hospital with no reprieve. I prayed daily for God to wrap his loving arms around Camren and his parents and to fill them with peace. I prayed for the staff; that we might be filled with compassion, and for strength.

Yesterday I had back to back meetings in the afternoon and left my first meeting a few minutes early to go see Camren one more time. I had been by to see him twice already and knew that he was getting close. He was less responsive and his breathing had become more irregular. I sat beside his bed and held his hand. His eyes were opened ever so slightly and he was looking at his mom who was talking to his dad and the social worker. His eyes shifted over toward me and I saw a single tear escape from his right eye and trickle down his cheek. At that moment he took his last breath and his heart quit beating. I placed my hand on his chest for a minute to make sure that he was gone and then turned to his parents and let them know that Camren had passed away. I thank God for giving me the privilege to be present at such an intimate and profound moment in this family’s life. To witness him leaving this life, and being carried on eagles’ wings to our God.

“Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer. Remain faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of glory.” (Revelation 2:10)